Job, you are spot on about Grammy acting like S is her son and not mine. This has been going on for years and has been a big tension issue between H and I, because he does nothing. She feels she only needs to go through H, and does not respect me as a partner to H and mother to my son.
I am not sure how to go about the boundaries. I guess the next time something comes up I will have a talk with her. As for H, he has never backed me on issues with her. Do I try talking to him too? I feel he should have at least texted me when they sat down S for a haircut, to let me know.
H has a strange relationship with her. They were never close, he rarely spoke with her. Since BD, they are BFF's. It may be because she tore their family apart and they get each other? She seems to justify his actions, even when I used to talk about things in the beginning with her. Like I have said before, I have always felt ganged up on by them. It's time to stand up to her, like I have learned to do with H.
I can do this, with dignity and grace
I have been invited to a bbq today, but I feel like I need to rest! I will get a steak, grill up some veggies and chillax today! Thanks Job!
Last edited by mleigh4; 05/25/1505:27 PM.
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
So, did you go to the bbq or did you stay home and rest? Either one would have been enjoyable.
In a very nice way, you will need to advise granny that you are your son's mother and that you and your h will make decisions that will be in his best interest, not granny. Granny didn't do such a hot job the first time around and I would hate to see your son have some authority issues later on in life. Guess granny wants to try one more time to figure out why her son went off into the sunset. Oh well...I know you'll be there for son and won't allow her to interfere too much.
Well, it looks like you need to start a new thread. I think I just flipped the total to 101.
I do hope you had an enjoyable day.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you Job. I stayed home and cleaned another closet! I am not good at resting these days.
Got a text from Grammy as Monday's are Grammy days, she said she was on her way to pick up S from school, unless he wasn't at school, to please let her know. I replied right away that we were all home for the holiday. She replied "I kind of thought so. Let me figure out what day I can pick him up this week. I will let you know"
^^^and there you have it. H and I have a schedule, it is not her decision to pick up S on one of our days instead of us. Not her call at all. And no, it will not be on one of my days, my time with him is gold, and I am just so sick of her. So it needs to be on H day. So I replied exactly that. I said, "It would need to be Thursday if any day" No response. Like mother like son, so scary.
H came over, hung out for about an hour before taking son. IDK, I felt really uncomfortable, kind of wanted him to leave. Not sure why....While son was in the other room getting dressed (yes we spent the entire day in our jammies!) I asked H to please let me know next time he decides to give S haircut, just a courtesy text. He said he thought I wanted S to get haircut. I said yes, a trim, not butchered off. I said that was a decision I should have been part of, not his mom. I said, she is not his mother. He said, but S asked her to cut it and I was there. I said, yes, and I really do appreciate that you took care of it, just please include me in it. Just an FYI text at least. He rolled his eyes. So I said, as usual, you can give a rat's ass about how I feel, but I will let you and her know anyway.
Ok, not proud of my last comment, that's the old me and she popped out in response to the eyeroll. Dang it! I was doing good until then, so I STFU.
So things got light again, I made a point of some joking around. He looked online at some shelters for a dog. I suggested a friend who has some good dog connections. So when him and S were leaving, he called dog to go. I said, are you taking her? He said ya. I asked, but you are looking to get a dog? He answered ya, but in a really unsure way, then He said, why don't you just get a little dog like you wanted? I calmly grabbed her collar, and while putting it on her said because she is my dog, this is her home and we love her. I said S and I have had to adjust to enough changes, you don't need to take our dog too. H said nothing.
Well, he must be thinking, that was a fun visit! Lol. I don't know why I feel like such a villain when I speak my mind with him. Something I really need to figure out because I know disagreements are healthy, I guess it's just the way you handle it. I need lots of help with my relationship skills and am so ready to learn.
Weird for me tonight, having H here. The dynamics have changed so much since he left, he felt like an intruder to me. Must be part of that protective shell I have covered my home with, I feel on full alert when he is on home turf. It's so sad, that it has become this way. More for me to think about and work on.
Time for a new thread...
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
That haircut thing would have set me off .. that and the fact that MIL and H seem to have paired up in lala land. I would imagine that tandem to be quite frustrating.
I do find myself lately maybe a little where you are, life is at peace without all the crisis crap when they are not around ... the closer they get the more I do not care for my environment to be impacted , its like building a sand castle and they come in and stomp around like a clumsy elephant, not on purpose, its just their way .. we bite our lip and go back and fix up our castle ... rinse/repeat .. it does get taxing.
