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Joined: May 2012
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Hi everyone,

It's been a long time. I hadn't realized how long..

For some reason I felt a pull to come to the boards yesterday and found out about Jack three beans. I burst into tears. He was extremely generous to me in my darkest times.

Prompted me to start looking though the threads. I read my earliest posts and my latest posts. All of the people that have come and gone over the years. All of the invaluable advice offered by people out of love, trust and respect, people we most likely will never see, but walk the path with in our most vulnerable times. This is one of the most authentic, loving and generous communities I have ever had the honour of being a part of. Thank you. And as Jack told me one time, it's not about thanking but about paying forward.

The very essence of this board.

i hope you are all well. Mach, Starsky, Cadet, LITB, job, 25, bustorama, AJM, Drew, Bright, Accuray....bug, zig, NLW, Mr Bond, Vero, NG, KG....I could go on and on. You all saved me. It takes a village...

Quick update on my stitch. I am really good. You do come here looking to desperately save your marriage. As Jack once told me, I didn't google how to become a better person, I googled, how to save my marriage. But it is about you. About saving you. Becoming a better version of yourself. About working from compassion and warmth, and not fear and anger. That is the little golden nugget of truth. And to change your focus from your spouse to yourself, when trying to save a marriage seems wrong. Counter- intuitive. And it's not.

And I was saved. And I am not done learning, growing and moving forward. This process does not stop. It should not stop. We should not stop knowing who we are.

My H and are still piecing. We are much further a long than a year ago, and this really is harder than I thought it would be. However, as long as I can continue to be true to myself and to him, and I still have the patience to piece, I will.

Starsky told me that he was seeing two versions of myself last year. One that got rattled up and lost her mojo when H was around. This was true. As I became more comfortable with my 'new' self, I could really feel the changes that had occurred in me over the past 5 years and made an effort not be afraid of putting into practice my new self. The confidence, the perspective and esteem I developed.

This I believe has helped my current status with my H. Despite the speed of our piecing it has been positive, respectful, fun, honest, loving, and growing. While we do have disagreements, they have not been filled with ugliness. We really do get to choose how we respond to others. We are in control of that.

For what it's worth, as I read through my stitch yesterday from the start on these boards, many emotions were felt. A lot tears came out for that woman and her kids that were in so much pain.

Time, faith in the process ( trust the process, right Cadet?), and patience, patience mostly with yourself, are key.

And for what it's worth, this morning I asked my H about a part of our stitch that happened in 2012. I wrote about it in painstaking detail on my thread. I can still remember what he was wearing at the time. He didn't remember it. He couldn't remember that he had stayed away from the kids for three straight months. He couldn't remember.

And such is the MLC mind.

He is still not fully baked...

My love to you alll.


TPS
Me: 44 H: 42
M14 T17
S10 D7
10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month
21/04/12 H is 'DONE'
04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010)
July '14 H ends affair
May '15 H moves back home
Joined: Sep 2015
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Thank you so much for sharing your story and update. It really illustrates the patience needed in dealing with MLC. You are an amazing person IMO and I'm so happy to hear that you are still piecing with H. Very interesting to hear of the memory lapse. I'm going to have to read your thread. Thank you again for coming back to update!


M-51 H-54
2D-27 and 25
M-26 yrs
Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15
He moved out 10-3-15
D filed 1-27-16
D final 10-27-16

Kindness, kindness, kindness.
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Hey Busting!!

Glad you posted an update,
you are always welcome to pay it forward here!

Love ya girl!


Me-70, D37,S36
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Hi ciluzen ,

It's nice to hear from you.

Patience is so key in this. I can't emphasize that enough. I will go read your stitch. I hope you are doing well.

Busting


TPS
Me: 44 H: 42
M14 T17
S10 D7
10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month
21/04/12 H is 'DONE'
04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010)
July '14 H ends affair
May '15 H moves back home
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 2,595
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Posts: 2,595
CADET!!!!!! I've missed you!

I hope you are well. smile

Big big hug to you!

(((((((((((((((((((Cadet)))))))))))))))))))))))))


TPS
Me: 44 H: 42
M14 T17
S10 D7
10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month
21/04/12 H is 'DONE'
04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010)
July '14 H ends affair
May '15 H moves back home
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 2,202
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Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 2,202
Busting, what a great thing to hear from you! I missed you here. I’m so happy to hear that you are still on a reconciliation path, moving slowly and steady towards where you want to be. I’ve been thinking of you quite a bit recently, especially when reading some stories of false starts and when things looked promising, but MLCer went astray again. For some reason I was so sure that your R is still going strong. And here you are, telling us that you are still piecing!

I’m so glad to hear that you are felling stronger and more comfortable with your “new” self. And thank you for coming back and posing the updates. It is interesting to read that your H doesn’t remember some parts of this journey. Did you tell him what happened and was he surprised to “learn” that? It is also interesting that you think he not fully baked yet. You have lots of patience, Busting! And this what makes your story different.

How are your kids doing? Take care and come back to visit us once in a while smile (As you can tell, I'm still here, LOL)


M:50
H:52
S28 (my S from previous marriage)
M:17 + 3
BD: 06/12
S: 06/12 - H works in another state
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Hi busting
I am sorry for your loss but I am glad your H was next to you in this difficult times.
Yesterday I was reading an early old thread of yours in 2012 with j3b . I didnot know jack yet but his advise and support to you were amazing... I felt he was also talking to me. His words where spot on and the way he validated you and others was amazing. Thank you for sharing your story I loved it when he said warm better than than cold... how he was available every step and you were great.... when you are talking I felt my self. We have somethings incommon maybe the more middle eastern background /culture/expectation. Unfortunately I am. I way close to piecing... my H is still running everywhere around. I don't know if he has an OW at the moment as he denies that.he used to be the best father but now he just tell kids he loves them a lot on a msg once a month . For last 21/2 years I kept send him pictures of them basically kept him updated about their progress in school you and activities . I basically tried to stay warm until September when I decided enough is enough I am not his personal aid when he is interested to know he can ask.... basically pulled back ....I read through2012 will still go over the following years. I also know you are piecing now ...so good luck ... you are definitely a light house.
Lots of hugs


M 45 H 45
D1 12 D2 9
BD 04/14
Living two different state
Not officially separated
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,356
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Hi Busting!

So good to hear from you - and to hear that you are doing well.

I'd love to hear more about how you are going.

Best, NLW

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