Bright - you make perfect sense to me. I think only those who are going through or have been through a MLC sep/d can fully understand and identify with how you are feeling and what you are going through.
Some of my friends are well over feeling compassion for me, they can't understand why I am not angry, why I don't trash h and why when asked if I would take him back I still say "possibly". I don't confide in those friends anymore, I stick to the ones I know support me whatever I do and for however long it takes.
There is no time limit on these things, there is so much to process and let go of. One day will you realise that your heart and head feels more calm and at peace, it will happen when you are good and ready - I know how frustrating it is though, its holds you against your will doesn't it, taking you back and forth, round and round. You just want to get off this rollercoaster and go on a more sedate ride - Bright, its all part of healing your mind, body and soul.
Know that your loved, cared about and supported, you have allowed me in to your world and I am humbled by that. Thank you.
Bright, Please go back and re-read the recent postings to you. They all say the same thing...it takes time and each person is different and handles the crisis in their own unique way. You will get to where you think you need to be when you are ready. Until that time, live your life to the fullest and know that no matter what happens, you are going to be okay.
BTW, you've reached the 100th posting/reply...time to think about a new thread.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Bright - I was just emailng with an old friend whose xh also had a MLC. For us it is a long time and yet she emailed me yesterday saying that she still had moments of disbelief that this had happened to her - she has survived it, but it is incredible that someone could act that way.
Trauma is difficult to get past.
Unfortunately for many the touchstone sems to be 'are you in a new relationship? (yet)' Even some posters here I am sorry to say.
This is so not the point. If we meet someone new, great, but if dealing with MLC has taught me one thing it is to be very careful.
A new relationship is so right for some people and turns out to be not at all what some of us really want in life. But we don't find this out right away.
Please don't think I am knocking those who meet up with a new person and are happy - that is great, but it isn't either the purpose of our journey nor is it a sign that we have healed.
We want happy endings, but I always wonder what happens next, after the honeymoon?
I think everyone has some great wisdom here. Often times friends and family want you to have a new relationship so they will feel better. This is only about what you need Birght.
Maybe it is time for a new goal or project? Something to get you a bit excited and distracted. Something to focus on for a bit and help you feel better. Maybe a weekend trip or even a new hobby?
I find that mixing things up a tiny bit is a huge help when I start to feel low.
M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters BD: 5/14 Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW D Final 9/17
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou
