Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
See..there are no coincidences. I see your post, mahhhty, and I am coming in tonight to see what people think.
She is in town for two days for a conference and brought S5 early. Came to the house, and S5 showed all the great changes we've made, how clean it is, etc. She looked impressed. She saw that I had cleaned the garage and neatly boxed and stored her stuff together. We went and had a good dinner. I showed her the pictures of the weekends S5 and I have been having, and then she started breaking out into tears. I got us out of there pretty quickly, got home, and got S5 busy on his own so that he wouldn't have to see his mother cry.
Then she started R talk, and I let her lead.
Positive key points - she misses me, home, and the people here. She misses our family together. She has allegedly pulled way back from OM following our last phone conversation, claiming to see him only once a week for just a couple hours. She does not consider up there home, her family is still not meeting her needs and remaining dim. She asked about what it would take to save the marriage. She is unhappy with her job. The apt is not a home. She cries a lot/the grass is not greener. OM is not keeping with the promises he had made. Her close friends up there do not support the A (new info to me). She recognizes some of the changes I've made. She really sounded like she doesn't want the D. She stayed for 5.5 hours, when I only expected her to be in and out, and wanted to keep talking about things.
Remorse? - She admitted talking to OM so much was wrong. He said all the right things and gave all the attention she wanted. She said it was wrong to start the A with him. She didn't want what happened to us to happen. She is afraid I won't trust her, which I acknowledged as something WE would have to work on and outlined a NC boundary with OM. She thought moving up there was the right decision, but it apparently wasn't. She realizes she hurt a lot of people, especially me, and is afraid that people won't forgive her. She doesn't want S5 to grow up without his parents together. She has been scared to come back in town because of what people would think (acknowledgment of doing wrong?). She acknowledges that she neglected me, and herself, by throwing herself into just being a mother and not a wife or friend.
Regarding potential reconciliation - She is afraid that we could work on this and it not work out. She doesn't know where to start to repair things (I gave a couple suggestions using advice from here and DB that I've read). She would want to sell the house as part of the healing process to start fresh. She would want MC. Even though she feels like she is waffling, everything she said points back to wanting to R. I told her to tell me if I'm wrong, but it seems her heart is telling her what to do.
We laughed. We played with S5. We parented him together.
She asked if she could come back to the house when the conference finishes for the day tomorrow. I thanked her for asking and assured her it would be fine with me.
What do you guys think? This could be a turnaround or it could be a potential false R. I want to make sure I take the best steps forward. I'm not going to pursue or pressure her tomorrow with trying to jump back into R talk. I will let her lead again.
M: 8.5 T:10 Me:37 W:34 S:6
Retrouvaille and W moves back- 7/31/15 Piecing - 7/4/15 to present
S, we are all rooting for you! You are doing great. Just don't have any expectations. As far as I'm reading your situation, the OM is still in the picture. I hope you do realize that as long as he is still in the picture, there can be no R.
Thanks Vapo! I should've mentioned that I did make it clear that something that will make it impossible to R is if OM is still there. I guess I said it in a round-about way.
