I am probably not a very good DBer to give you any advice on this area. For me, I would rather go through the turmoil I am going through then being on the dark guessing what is going on.
Even with all the pain, I feel better that I know for sure. And I feel even better that my H knows he can't lie to me anymore.
Maybe this is what will push him totally to this OW, but it was a risk I decided to take. It's by other hand, and unbearable pain. But I do not like limbo. Maybe the best thing is to ask yourself what is really the reason you want to know. What will happen when you confirm the A, what are you going to do with that information.
Please, be aware that you need to have a clear tough of what you are going to do when you come face to face with the enemy. My intention was to have it 100% the truth and let my H know I can't be lied to anymore. And that's exactly what I did. I did not humiliate myself, did not make a big scene, did not argue or had a fit. I was cold and very practical. I calmly approached him and from that point on H knew he does not have anymore control of his R with me.
So, I would say that you take a good deep breath, think what you really can handle, what is that you want. Think what you are going to do with the information you have. Is this going to help your cause or it is just because you are super angry.
If it is because you are angry, so prepare yourself to get maybe a thousand times more angry, because that is what it feels like. So think, and think a little more of how much can you handle and be careful do not hurt your cause.
Sounds like you're doing pretty well in the circumstances. Has your H left for Brazil now? Presumably this trip is different to the sales one and OW not in the picture. Will H be local to your family, and hope to visit them? Are they up to date on everything?
Sorry - 20 questions! Just reading your last few posts, you know - the thing that hurt me the most was that he didn't choose me. That's the thing that makes me tear up and feel low. I don't think about OW so much lately, which is a good thing. I thought about her a lot at one time and it hurt. Now I see her as much less of a feature in my life.
You'll see from my sitch that I have also started to look at financials. I don't want to file for D, but am going to take steps to ensure my finances stabilise. I'm not looking forward to it, and don't think it will run smoothly, but it has to be done. I was awake last night from 2-4am thinking about it.
Glad to hear you are moving forwards Pink - you're doing so well......Toots xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
H is will be in Brazil by feb 1st. He will be at my family's town and I have no idea if he is planning to visit them. He is so out of reality that he believe my family is all happy with all what he has been doing to me and the kids. I know H will have a rental car there, so he is probably thinking to visit them. We will see.
It is a business trip but the OW won't be with him. She went back to France. And yes, I have a confirmation that the woman I tough is exactly the one.
I think I am not doing so good but I am not doing so bad as well. By one hand I feel really bad to be rejected, replaced and I think about their romance and how happy H is making love with her. By other hand, I feel I do not deserve this, I am an honest woman, always have been. I am caring and I value family a lot. I am not ugly, not ignorant, not stupid. I work hard and I like to have fun. So, I think I deserve better then all what he is forcing me to go through.
Life is short and I don't want to spend my crying for someone that does not love me anymore. I am looking forward to resolve my situation with H and then move forward for good. Give myself a chance to have at least happy moments. I know that slowly I will get there. I love myself.
I am sorry that you need to get to this point. I feel it's not fair with you as well. Now, you need to resolve issues that you did not ask for. But, maybe the best thing is to look at your situation and see how you can be hurt financially and try to at least have that side of the story well resolved.
I know it socks, but I saw too many cases that people wait too long and regret they did not think about the business side of the marriage. Hopefully things will go smooth for you and also for me.
How are you GAL going? Mine is not much these days. Was just overwhelmed with so much going on is these last two weeks.
As soon as I am done with this legal side of the process then I can relax and plan some new activities for myself.
Hey meet xyz, my soul mate. In fact he doesn't even Intro ow at all!
He expects every one knows her already, because quiet simply as explianed by my friend, in his eyes she's not new. Funny how the actions and gulit combine to give the game up.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
Hi C, I wouldn't be so surprised if H shows up at my mom's house. He always visit them. Or maybe my sister's because we are godparents of my nephew. He is a cute kid and maybe H gives that as an excuse to reach them there.
He has this false sense of family. I really don't know how well it is going to be for him. They like him, respect him, but now they are hurt too. H is doing to many crazy things and they may not be so friendly with him anymore. They will probably be polite with him.
To tell the truth I do not know if they will be around, tomorrow is a holiday in Brasil and my family are usually at the beach during this time. We will see.
It's ashamed how your H used people along the way to justify his insecurities and fears. You can almost feel sorry for this OW.
Like you said before, he does not respect this person, avoid showing her. Probably their life together is no picnic. Sometimes I question myself on the fact that why there are people willing to do this kind of thing to others.
He mistreated you and now he is even worse with her, as much as he thinks he is a winner in this game of life, he is the biggest looser, I just hope that deep down in his soul he knows how poor and empty he is.
Using other human being for your foolish purposes should not make you feel good about yourself. But again, he may be so infused in his own lavish life that he is blind to respect.
It's almost better that GG is no longer involved with such vicious person. I know the heart is weak and you may feel his absence. You made this man your family, believed he was a good person, gave years of your life to him and he disregard your treat. It hurts. But GG is moving forward, if not on yet.
I hope and pray that GG finds a good man, a loving person that will take you for what it is. A person that wants a decent and calm life, sharing the good in simple things and enjoying the day by day beauty.
I did not go shopping for my new outfit. I want something simple, but attractive. I want to show H that Pink is not going to be crying forever. I will let you know.
Pink you sound like you are on the right path. It's hard sometimes when your head knows what to do but it takes time for your heart to follow. Your H. Is losing s great woman.
Me 52 H 44 T9 M 5 BD 12/11 H split 8/12 OW moved in 12/12 OW gone for good 6/14 We get closer again 9/14 SD 13 Me 4 Grown
Accept what is...let go of what was and have faith in what will be.
I totally agree with you. My head is in the right place here and I think I am taking the steps to deal with all this mess.
But yes, my heart still bleeds. However, I have been exploring what is really hurting. I am trying to be honest with myself and I find that I do not miss the marriage I had lately.
I feel the pain of rejection, I hate the fact that he replaced me so easy. That H did not want to invest in our R, that he always refused to go to MC and try to make things better between us and just jump on the next R.
I feel the pain that my H was for the last two weeks, in the same place as we all live with the OW. Hoping into different hotels. Sleeping with her, kissing, hugging, making love. Having a glorious honeymoon. Even spending money that he does not have to spend.
This is the part that is still hurting. This is what I need to be careful does not became "Hate". I do not want to hate him, but I know myself, I know I have these kind of self defense mechanisms, I am even working with my IC regarding this.
I think that if I let go on my jealousy, that I will be in a better place, and maybe that is the last peace of the puzzle for me to detach from him totally.
And you are right again. I am not perfect in any meaning, there is lots to work on myself to make me a better person. But I was very good to him, I helped him to be better. I helped him a lot with his career. I work hard, I am very responsible and it all made his life easier.
All what I can say is "Good luck H, you probably deserve to be with your next big love, someone that is cheating on her H just like you cheating on your W"
Maybe they deserve each other, and it's time I realize that I deserve a better person too. There are good people in this world, they are not dirty, and they can respect other people's feelings. Who knows, when one door closes, another one will open. Who knows, I just need to keep going, respecting who I am and my values.
I know sooner then later I will detach from this Jerk for good. He went too far.
Hi Pink. You sound really strong I agree with Karma your H is a complete fool and he will be very sorry for how he acted. Even if he doesn't want you as a wife anymore there is no excuse for what he has done
I post this next bit a lot but you will be happy again one day I hope it's really soon but how ever long it takes you will be happy again
I am really impressed by your posts. You are dealing with an incrediblly hard situation and you are doing so with grace. Loads of hugs and X"s. Rd
