Blindsided

[irony08]

Well I am new here and I have read so many stories that sound like mine. My H and I have been married almost 9 years and together 13. Things appeared to be fine and then in late Jan. I noticed a significant amount of time my H was texting someone. He was having an emotional affair with a co worker and wasn't sure he wanted to be with me anymore. We did a lot of reconnecting work and for several
Months things seemed good. Then a fight happened and he was emotionally withdrawn again. Turns out he had started talking with the OW again and now he really seemed to want out of the marriage. That was 2 weeks ago and I'm of course doing a lot of research about depression and counciling. I came to the shocking realization that he is going through a mid life crisis. Wow. Blew my mind. So I started to research and I am reeling from the similarities in the stories on this blog and several others. I'm not even sure what stage he is in. I do know that even though he promised me to cut off contact that has not stuck. The bigger problem is we work in the same place and she works here too. So he's blowing me off at lunch and most likely seeing her. I'm trying to detach but I am finding it so incredibly difficult. There are times when I see the glimmer of the man I fell in love with. The one that would never have done this and it's killing my heart. I'm looking for sage advice, I know there are no clear cut answers but please give me something.

[Cadet]

Welcome to the board

Get out and GAL.

DETACH.

Believe none of what he says and half of what he does.

Have NO EXPECTATIONS.

Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.

You are on moderation right now on the forum.
SO post in small frequent posts until you get off of it.

Your H is giving you a GIFT.
THE GIFT OF TIME.

USE it wisely.

Knowledge is Power - Sir Francis Bacon

[Bunches]

Hey Irony, sorry you find yourself here. I can't imagine having to work in the same place while this kind of thing is going on. My STBX and I worked together for years but not anymore. Can you elaborate any more on the issues you two had leading up to the initial EA? I know we all tend to have similarities between stories but wanted to ask.

I'm sure if you have been around the board much you know by now, you can't make him change or cause him to wake up from his issues. What are you doing for your life now? GAL activities, 180's...

[irony08]

Funny, I really didn't think that we had a lot of issues. I just noticed a more withdrawn husband and then made a correlation with him texting someone. He of course denied it at first but finally admitted he had developed feelings for her. After much talking he decided he did want to work on things and we seemed to make big strides and then this argument happened that for him seemed to push us all the way back. No he says he doesn't want to work things out with me.

[irony08]

Thanks so much for the advice, that seems to be what is so difficult for me right now. I know a lot of you have already been through this and it really helps to hear from all of you.

[Cristy]

Hi,

I am sorry for the situation you are in. The best advice I can give you is to speak with a Divorce Busting Coach today. Divorce Busting coaches will give you the best guidance on how to save your marriage and get things moving in a more positive direction. Your Divorce Busting Coach will also help you regarding how to handle the work environment with the OW around. Please call me to discuss our coaching program 303-444-7004.

Cristy
Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004

[Bunches]

Irony, I know how hard this must be for you. I remember it so clearly. The feeling that its just out of nowhere and that you weren't given a chance. For me it wasn't until months later when I thought back and could clearly see the issues that must have caused my W so much pain that she could make these decisions to start an EA which eventually became a PA. When the two of you were working harder to make it work, what if anything did you talk about doing differently? What was your big fight about?

What about big changes in your R from 9 years ago to last year.

[Dawn70]

I know, all too well, that feeling of being completely blindsided. I would like to say it gets better as time goes on, but my sitch happened so fast that I am not to the "it gets better stage" yet. What I can tell you is to hang in there and keep reading and posting here because there are some amazing people here who give the most amazing and wonderful advice.