Thanks, Mozza. I'm going to try. I went to the chapel at work today (I'm in a hospital) and cried for a bit. It was release, at least I don't feel that ball of emotion in my gut anymore.
One day at a time. One day at a time. One day at a time. One day at a......
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
Maybe I should run down all the reasons that I can't be with BF unless he does some serious personal changing:
- He cheated on me not once, but twice - He left me to move in with another woman - He lied about all of it, including that there was no one else, that he was sleeping with someone but not in an R with her, that he wasn't moving her into our apartment when I left, so on and so forth.
Add to that that he only sees negative in all of the years he and I R'd and while he seems to think I'm an "amazing person" he's adamant that he and I together "just don't work".
Maybe not being angry at him is just stupid and I should start from there in my attempts to move forward "with or without" him, because from his perspective it's certainly going to be "without".
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
When I told my shrink that I was concerned about my WAW, he told me "Why aren't you angry?" It opened the floodgates for a couple of days at the time and I've tapped into that sentiment every now and then to feel better. It's not a dominant feeling, but something that can take away the pain for a time.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
