Well, I never thought I would be in a forum like this! Forgive me if I'm still distraught, let me start of me and my wife have been married for a little over a year and together for 4-1/2 years, last week she moved out of the house to an APT of her own. I found out she was having an A, with a co-worker that has been going on for months.
I'm looking for advice, on how to save my marriage. I know I haven't been the best H from a emotional standpoint, but excellent provider for my W, and our daughter who is not biologically mine. Never abusive, but would put her down when I would get really angry, and we really didn't communicate at all. Well now to the A, it stared July when I caught a few text messages, and I told her that wasn't cool (I have always been the calm, reasonable type). Well in August I found out through her iPad she had be sleeping with the OM, so I confronted her, and she said she would end it. Well it never ended, up until last week she has been seeing the OM, and sleeping with him as well. I found iMessages on her laptop, to give me everything more I needed. I was distraught, I finally saw why she was moving out. In those months I was acting really unlike me, like checking everything, I would have weird spouts where I would just snap on her, and regret it later.
I have been reading on this forums, just some of the other incidents, and trying to gain knowledge of that. I also have been reading up on PEA. My ultimate question is how do I save my marriage? I haven't filed for divorce yet, and honestly told her she has until Monday to ultimately decide if she wants this. I know she is in the infatuation stage, I just don't know how to handle it. I don't want to push her away, but at the same time, I don't want to wait around forever. I have already started bettering myself, I.E. going to church, read the 5 Love Languages, and research, research, research, and started working out. My apologies for the briefness, as I'm still devastated, and looking for guidance. Thanks
Me: 33 / H: 27 Kids: D8 Married 1 yrs, together 4.5 D-Day 11/16/14
You are in the right place. You will find great people here who can help. I like the work that you've started on yourself, keep it up.
You mentioned that you gave your W a deadline of Monday to make a decision? Deadlines don't work. You should get DR and view this as a much longer process. If you can, ignore the deadline, and keep working on yourself. Good luck.
I'm new here as well so I can't share from an expeirenced standpoint...but I have to echo what Wet said, deadlines don't work. Work on yourself, which I believe in time will help you work on your relationship.
Good luck.
M:32,H 32 T:10, M5 BD/H Move Out: 9/2014 - extreme anger H Mental Illness Diagnosis: 4/15 Served D Papers: 10/15 Divorced: 11/15
To add, the deadline didn't work, so I took a difference standpoint, Sandi2's 37 Rules, although I have slipped up on the do not tell her I love you out of habit, I have been following it. We actually had a dinner tonight and it was really great, didn't talk about the R, and just enjoyed each other's company. Our daughter wanted to do something Sunday, so we have a little get together Sunday. I agree with the advice, GAL it feels so good, like I'm a kid again, lol! Well I'll keep you posted on the details, just taking it one day at a time
Me: 33 / H: 27 Kids: D8 Married 1 yrs, together 4.5 D-Day 11/16/14
Well update we hung out on Sunday, and it was ok, she came with an attitude, but I got past that. We talked a little, about what happened, and she told me she needs time (which I believe is a crock), and that the OM is gone, which I dont believe either. She tells me she wants to work at it, but not fully, which IMO she is just trying to by time. I have since not contacted her, and continued working on me. I do have a question she is repeatedly telling me she left because of me, she has a connection with OM, she doesn't love me or miss me, should I believe this?
Me: 33 / H: 27 Kids: D8 Married 1 yrs, together 4.5 D-Day 11/16/14
