Really need some help

[Struck]

My WAS and I were together for 6 years before getting married a little over a year ago. Had you asked me 3 days ago, I would have said we have a happy relationship and my wife wouldn't leave me for the world. She has a 10 year old son that I have been raising as my own for 7 years.

1 month ago her FB status referred to as the man of her dreams and her picture is always one of our W pictures. 2 months ago we had a little tif about kids. She wanted to start having our own kids right now. I wanted to wait a year. I am 32 she is 28.

Two days ago 19/11/14, I came home from work and noticed my W seemed a bit off when I gave her my customary "hey baby" with a kiss on cheek. She said nothing is wrong, I pressed a bit and told her i knew something was up. She said, I have to work soon but we will talk about it tomorrow when i'm off.
I pressed some more and she blurted out that she isn't happy and needs to "find herself". She told me she shouldn't have rushed me into marriage and it was probably a mistake. This caught me totally off guard. I couldn't believe it.

I made all the mistakes from Sandi's rules. I pleaded, wept, reasoned and got angry. How dare she take our marriage vows so lightly. How dare she escalate to this point without giving me a chance to fix it. How dare she break up our happy home.
We had never even came close to a breakup in 7 years. There was no abuse and no infidelity (that i know of).

She left for work which has her working until the early morning and crawled in bed beside me. I gave her a light squeeze on the arm and went to sleep. I had thought of showing her Wedding pics and even started writing her a letter. Glad i dodged those bullets.

The next day I spend most of the time reading and re-reading Sandi's rules. For some reason it made me feel better to do that. When I walked in the door I had the best intentions. I was going to do a 180 or LRT. I said nothing and tried to act cheerful. After 30 minutes she brought it up again. I sat down beside her and smiled. I told her i'm here to listen. She told me she still feels the same. She immediately told me that I could keep our pets. She wouldn't separate from my man's best friend (who was a gift to her that she loves). She started talking about how it would be hard on our son but we would need to deal with it. She then said we needed to be apart right now. She said she was getting a hotel for the night and needed time and space. I got upset and pleaded with her not leave me alone on this worst day of my life. I had no place to go. She got upset and stayed for a few more minutes to talk. She told me to talk to my friends and try to feel better.

Should I up and leave today? I could probably manage to stay around for at least a week or two. I'm worried moving out will just finalize the situation. I really want my wife back.

[Roberta]

I strongly urge you to speask to a Divorce Busting Coach immediately. There is no possible way for you to handle this situation on your own. You definitely need the expert guidance of a Divorce Busting Coach. We know how to get your marriage back on track and save your family. Please call me today to discuss our coaching program. 303-444-7004

[MrBond]

First off, you need to calm down. This is going to be a process and you won't find a better group of people here to help get your M back on track.

Next, buy the DB or DR book right away and read them. If you don't, you won't understand the concepts we discuss here.

Third, can you detail your marriage issues here? What was the argument about? There must have been others, what did the two of you argue about and what issues did you have in the M?

It seems pretty quick the way your W ended things. Are you sure there wasn't something or someone else in the picture?

[Struck]

Roberta, I would love nothing more then to talk to a coach. I'll be needing to get some finances in order to make new living arrangements so I don't know if that's an option right now. I will see what I can do.

MrBond, I have purchased a copy of the DB book and am waiting for it in the mail. I might just go to the book store because i feel like I really need some help now. I'm trying to remain calm but my wife seems so final in the language she is using.

As for fights. My wife says we fight all the time. I can't reconcile that. In my opinion we fight about little things and only here and there. I actually confronted her today to see if there was someone else. I could be wrong but I did believe her when she told me there wasn't. Our mutual friends whom i've sought advice from also don't see her as the type.

As for our fights. She recently started doing some distance learning. She asks me for help as i'm college educated and we would often get frustrated with each other. I know our fights over that would be one of her main issues. She also said i'm too controlling. Although I can only think of one time when I had a problem with her doing something. About 8 months ago, I wasn't too keen on her having a girls weekend out of town. In hindsight I do trust her and should have let her be. Other then that, simple bickering about house chores and little things around budgeting but nothing that I would consider serious. We are not rich but certainly don't have what I would call money problems. Our bills get paid on time each month.


We had another talk today and she is still very final in her words. Talking about us both moving out of our home and downsizing, switching names on bills etc. I've never seen this side of my wife in our 7 years.

[MrBond]

"As for fights. My wife says we fight all the time. I can't reconcile that."

What do you mean you can't "reconcile that"? Did you fight often or not? If you raised your voice to her, that's a fight even if you don't think it is.

"In my opinion we fight about little things and only here and there."

That's YOUR opinion which doesn't matter right now. If you were in her shoes, what would you think?

"I actually confronted her today to see if there was someone else. I could be wrong but I did believe her when she told me there wasn't. Our mutual friends whom i've sought advice from also don't see her as the type."

There is no "type" of people in affairs. Whether or not she has one, keep in mind that every person on here whose spouse is in an A would tell you that their spouse was the type who would NEVER cheat on them.

"As for our fights. She recently started doing some distance learning. She asks me for help as i'm college educated and we would often get frustrated with each other."

In other words you weren't patient with her. When it came out, did it maybe sound like you were "smarter" than her?

"She also said i'm too controlling. Although I can only think of one time when I had a problem with her doing something."

That's not what controlling means. It also means when you act like you know better than her and don't listen to her opinions and compromise.

"Other then that, simple bickering about house chores and little things around budgeting but nothing that I would consider serious."

it doesn't matter what you consider serious. In terms of the bickering, what were the issues about the house work and budgeting?

"We are not rich but certainly don't have what I would call money problems. Our bills get paid on time each month."

Money isn't the problem. Do you criticize her for her spending?

[Struck]

Mr.Bond, my wife says we fight a lot. I'm of the opinion that we fight occasionally . I have raised my voice to her and have felt bad for it after.

I guess it's possible she's having an A. Although I highly doubtful.

Yes I can be very impatient and condescending. I know this is something I need to work on. I'm also very A type in my personality and have a very hard time "losing" an argument. I am very much guilty of acting like i'm smarter always right and know better.

Money arguments are rare. I can't remember a time when one of us criticized the other for spending.

Yesterday I moved out. My W and I were both at the house during the afternoon. Some of the time we laughed and talked casually about things. She mentioned that my mother had called her and they had a good talk. My mother didn't take sides she just wanted to make sure my wife was ok. My wife told me she was very happy to hear from her.

I couldn't help myself but push the issue and try to come up with solutions. I suggested an in house separation. My W says that would only cause us to argue about staying together and that she didn't want to hurt me everyday by telling me she doesn't love me anymore and that's why she doesn't want to work on things.

I decided I agreed with her. I packed a bag and we shared a tearful embrace as I walked out the door.

On the way to my new home I called my mother. I was curious how the conversation went and what my wife might have told my mother.

My mother told me she felt bad for my wife. She said my wife cried and cried and feels hopeless that nothing would ever get better. I felt so awful for not noticing it. My mother pointed out that much like my father i'm quite stubborn and always need to be right.

So based on all this i'm really feeling hopeless. Last night I spend the night with a few of my old friends. They were very supportive and i actually forgot about my sadness for a few hours. The second I woke up I felt like weeping again.

I'm so scared that I have lost the love of my life forever.

[MrBond]

"I'm so scared that I have lost the love of my life forever."

So why haven't you changed? I mean even your mother has noticed that is your personality but you refuse to change. Why? Too much pride? Too much ego? too much hubris?