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I'm happy to read that Christmas was a winner, but I'm sorry to read that you have the flu. The stress you've been under compromised your immune system and bam! That old flu bug moved right in. I do hope you are feeling better soon.

Daring, your h took away many wonderful memories to reflect back on in the days to come. He does miss his family, but he's just not ready to face his issues and deal w/them.

Travel safely and enjoy your time away.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Merry Christmas Daring. As a newbie I wish I could offer you more than a hug. It does sound like wise Job is spot on. H has come a long way but until he faces some of his internal issues he can't bring you and the kids 100%. I think that is part of why he can't spend vacation with his FOO. You can't completely hide yourself from siblings. He does seem to have made great progress trying to reflect on things so he can move forward. It sounds to me like he is working on trying to rebuild himself right now and that is really admirable. It will also take some time.

I think is a lot of progress to move from indignation and hopelessness to a place of calmness and hopefulness. I think you are all poised for a new year full of positive possibilities. I hope you feel better soon.


M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters
BD: 5/14
Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW
D Final 9/17

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
― Maya Angelou



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Daring .. honestly I see where you are coming from .. you are fair .. beyond fair. However I do think your H needs to hold his end of the bag regardless .. I do think there is a line that the lawyers draw and what we wo0uld draw .. maybe find some middle ground there .. you really could hose the guy over .. but I get you not wanting to be that person .. I am the same .. I pay much more right now than I know the state would have me pay, however if the D is going to go through .. then I will have to protect myself and my S's best interest ... just as you will have to do. Sometimes its tough when what your heart says conflicts with the pocketbook/lawyers.


M: 48
W: 47
M16 T26-S8
BD Sept13



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Job, 123Gwen and CaliGuy- thanks for your well wishes and support.

I just got back from my trip and took a break from the boards or reading any self help or relationship books while on it. I read some romance novels by Danielle Steele whom I used to love but haven't read in 15 years! I focused on family and " being in the moment" and had a wonderful time!! I love all my in laws and all of H's four siblings and their kids/spouses plus mom and stepdad were all there. We went snow tubing and did family style meals in the cabins, played with all our kids and did a family gift exchange. It was so fun and I felt fully included- of course I've grown up with all of them so they really are my family too. All the cousins played together and even my S17 ( b-day yesterday) decided to forgo snowboarding in order to spend more time with family. I was very proud of him.
I posted lots of pics on my FB and H " liked" them all ( he liked his siblings' pics too). I wonder if he started to realize how much he was missing.

As far as me- I'm feeling pretty ok. This trip actually lifted my spirits and my father-in-law ( H's stepdad) even pulled me aside to say he understands what H is dealing with but eventually he can't run away from himself and he will have to realize that he can't " fill the hole" he's looking to fill with anything other than facing his issues. Spoken from experience it sounds like- I know my FIL has had lots of emotional issues in his life and has come to a place of peace.

So H texted a few times while we were away and I only answered things that were logistics for kids. S8 face timed him a few times and would try to hand me the phone and I would hand it off to my other kids. I was in " no H " mode. Weird since I was with his family but even they just went along without mentioning him. I think they were hurt he didn't come.
So today he texted and called to see if we made it in. I was distant but cordial- maybe it's my imagination but the more I'm getting to the point where I'm letting go the more he seems to " check in" with me.
Who knows- I'm not looking for those positive signs anymore, in fact, I'm more expecting the worst and if it's not as bad I'll be in a position to decide what I want.

Will catch up on everyone over the next couple of days. I'm sure I've missed a lot.

Here's to a Happy New Year and a marvelous 2015 for all of us!!


Me 41 H 40
M 20 T 23
S 19,16, 8 D 13
BD1 dec 2012 not sure going to work
BD2 sep 2013 seeking a D
Filed oct 2013, D Feb 2015
Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena- Brene Brown
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I'm so glad to read that you had a nice time away. Danielle Steele is one of my favorites as well. She writes about what is happening in the real world and I often wonder if she or someone she knows has gone through many of the experiences she writes about.

Sounds like your FIL may have either experienced a MLC or knew someone who had. He is a wise man. Your h can't keep running and trying to find a cure to repair the hole within himself.

As for your h, yes, he senses you are distant and will check in more. But, I'm glad he texted to see if you made it in okay.

The new year is right around the corner and I hope that it will bring you much peace this year.

Happy New Year!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Thanks Job- when someone asked me what I wanted for the New Year that's exactly what I said- peace!!

H came by earlier today to switch back cars ( he had let me borrow his to and from airport since it has more room). He hung out and chatted for a little bit. We decided the schedule for kids over next week and a half since I start call soon. Then he left. I think he noticed I was a little distant.

I took D13 to her NYE sleepover and S17 is going to one also. I'm hanging with S8 and we have been playing board games and watching Times Square coverage.
As I'm hanging out with him I get an out of the blue text from H " happy new year Daring", he only uses my name in texts when he's trying to convey emotion. Weird.
So I waited an hour and kept playing with S8 ( yay me! Usually I would respond right away). And I sent " happy new year to you too".
Maybe he's realizing I am the prize... Hope he catches up with me before I leave him in the dust!! wink


Me 41 H 40
M 20 T 23
S 19,16, 8 D 13
BD1 dec 2012 not sure going to work
BD2 sep 2013 seeking a D
Filed oct 2013, D Feb 2015
Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena- Brene Brown
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