jim0987 #3 - trying to replace black holes with ca

[GoatGal]

Then let her wait!

You're not going to unleash a backlash on her.

You are going to stay calm, cool, and continue DBing.

Her feelings and worries are HER PROBLEM. Not yours.
You can't control how she feels.

Remember? You're not a pretzel.

IF she was so worried, she'd be acting differently.

So you might be projecting a wee bit. Or listening to her justifications which are essentially designed to have you take all the blame.

Don't worry about what she thinks/feels. That's her job.

And if she actually left to pursue OM, then your stance has got to firm up a bit more. You are not her daddy and she is making her own choices.

Bad ones, for sure. But you can't control this.

Your best shot is to follow the advice you get here.

Oh--and you can't undo history. Her previous relationships, with you or others, are not your concern.

ALL YOU CAN DO is to be the better man, the stand-up man, the best option.
Let her see this and don't give her anything to use against you.

Keep on with your GAL and being a great dad, and be kind to her. But not her doormat.

Don't rescue her from herself. Trust me, she will not thank you for it, and she definitely won't respect you for it either.

Time for her to learn what's really out there in the big, bad world.

But be kind, always. Come from a place of love---detached love.
You'll find that spot in your heart if you keep working on it.

[jim0987]

A mate in exactly the same position I would tell to leave it because she has to do it all when hes away and she find out pretty quickly when she moves out. In the meantime all raising it is going to do is cause an argument because she isn't going to listen

[GoatGal]

Well, there you go.

You knew the answer already.

But do it nicely. And of course keep the house nice, it's a plus that you are willing to do those chores. To a point!

[jim0987]

Definitely trying to follow the advice on here. Its helping me significantly regardless of whether it helps with my M.

The only backlash im planning on is some assertive boundaries

[Mozza]

And no, you don't post too much. Post as much as you need. I follow your sitch closely. I'm impressed with a lot of what you manage to do. I know it's not easy. To have your wife looking for a one-night-stand and keep your calm? You have balls. To me, that's more impressive than flying off the handle, on automatic pilot. When you set your eyes on a goal, you can exert amazing self-control. That's something you might be learning about yourself right now, something to be proud of.