Intro and Thoughts

[Hrdtims]

Well here it is RAI,
1. I believe that nothing, I MEAN NOTHING,could have stopped what happened after she developed a EA or PA with OM. And I do not say this to be synical but it was her not me (W said this many times). Stop searching yourself for things to please her or reconcile - truly, truly, truly DETATCH. This didn't happen for me until she moved out and I went out and relized that other individuals are attracted to me and I to them...
2. Stop drinking and smoking and any other vise that is getting you through - she is not worth it. For me my W had some vises that I temporarily adopted due to the stress, once she was gone it stopped.
3. I did all the things in DB that you shouldn't once I found out she wasn't happy (didn't know why at that point exactly) pleaded, showed love, gifts, planned vacations in the future, pointed out how happy we were, ect. Don't do this or stop doing it, it is not good for you moving forward. Again, detatch its her deal and her consequences.
4. At the end, I took measures to prove the relationship with the OM, which led her to move out quicker than I thought she would. If you are going to do this - do it early and correctly...it will set you up better for the eventual D. If you do not want to know or if this is not a factor - put it out of your head and move on. I should have looked into this before I did. I ended up well with the situation, house..50/50...and some financial consequences. I would not made as many financial consequences if I were to have proved the A. Starsky had a interesting approach to his A.
5. I slept with her everynight and had sex everyother week or so...even though I had strong suspisions. If I could go back I would have addressed the EA/PA and told her to leave (difficult due to no solid proof but as they say...your gut is 99% correct)
6. She took off her rings, I asked why, I told to put back on...ect
7. I helped her move out.

My friends do not understand that last one, however I viewed it as "I am her husband, and I will be g*d Da**ed if I will allow someone else to help her move" I told her father when I asked him to marry her that I would take care of her. I was only holding up my end...

So I had alot of Love for her between July (when she stated she wanted to S and Feb when she left...because she was my W). I possibly should have viewed it differently. I should have viewed it as "when she wanted to S in July, she stopped being my W"

Those months aged me years...

Cheers

[Jorgi]

Hi hrdtims,
I've been reading your story and the support you've received over the last few days. I am sorry that you found yourself in these straits but I am glad that you seem to be in a better place than you had been previously. I believe I recall you relating a talk that you had with your WAW and kids, which must have been very difficult.
In any event, upon reading your story, I was surprised to see the many similarities in between your sitch and mine. I recently posted a thread entitled "WAW / MLC - which way is up (or out)" on this topic outlining my sitch and was wondering if you could give it a quick read and give me your two cents.

[url=http://http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2539522#Post2539522][/url]

Thanks and best of luck with yourself, your kids and those other individuals mentioned above that are attracted to you.
Jorgi

[RAI]

1. I believe that nothing, I MEAN NOTHING,could have stopped what happened after she developed a EA or PA with OM. And I do not say this to be synical but it was her not me (W said this many times). Stop searching yourself for things to please her or reconcile - truly, truly, truly DETATCH. This didn't happen for me until she moved out and I went out and relized that other individuals are attracted to me and I to them...

Hrdtims, thanks for your insight. I have had a very hard time detaching and I have been very hard on myself about it. It is comforting to know why I am struggling with it so much: because I am still sharing a bedroom with W. Based on your experience, I now realize that the living situation will have to change before I can truly detach. Can one detach when you are living in the same household? truly?

3. I did all the things in DB that you shouldn't once I found out she wasn't happy (didn't know why at that point exactly) pleaded, showed love, gifts, planned vacations in the future, pointed out how happy we were, ect.

Who hasn't!!

4. At the end, I took measures to prove the relationship with the OM, which led her to move out quicker than I thought she would.

I am meeting with investigator to review evidence soon. How can I use this information to position myself better?

Starsky had a interesting approach to his A.

Can you refer me to the specific post(s)?

Those months aged me years...

I know how you feel. I just wrote something to that effect in my thread last night.

I clearly still have a lot to learn.

RAI