Thanks again Starsky. Your the man! She told me tonight I had to go to a store a half hour away to pick up a basketball shirt W put on hold. That I had to go tonight or tomorrow. I have ignored her request and won't cave. W still won't talk to me at all. This is a huge test for me. Staying strong!
Thanks again Starsky. Your the man! She told me tonight I had to go to a store a half hour away to pick up a basketball shirt W put on hold. That I had to go tonight or tomorrow. I have ignored her request and won't cave. W still won't talk to me at all. This is a huge test for me. Staying strong!
Wouldn't it be stronger & maybe more mature to TELL her what you want and don't want, instead of just ignoring her request?
Using words would be better & she won't count on your for something you're not going to deliver (and your son won't be missing his team shirt).
I'm curious. Why you won't just come out & calmly say "No, I won't do that" ?
If you fear her response to you stating your position openly, then I don't think you're modeling what you hope to.
Sorry if I misunderstood this.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Your right. I thought about that last night. Part of the reason I ignored her was that the boys were there and I didn't want to confront her in front of them. Maybe I should have, to teach them what a man says and leads calmly.
I agree that just ignoring her request does not show a woman you are being a strong man. She will see it as several other characteristics, but strength isn't one of them.
Since she habitually tells you what to do, have you considered telling her that it would be to her advantage not to make any other appointments or arrangements for the kids (or whatever) when she is scheduled to work or there is some other reason that prevents her being available to take care of it. Her disadvantage is making those arrangements while having in her mind that you will take care of it. From this point forward, when she schedules anything that might require assistance, she should either check with you in advance or plan to take care of it herself. You will do likewise.
When the R is healthy and each S do things for the other one, then it is seen as an act of love. However, when there is a third person involved and the WAS is issuing errands for the other S, the dymatics is completely different. It is an extension of her disrespect. You become her errand boy. She doesn't appreciate it......she expects it. If you don't do it, she will throw a fit. Well, whoopee-do. Let her throw one so big it knocks her out! But you maintain a firm, respectful stance. She can't emotionally blackmail you.
Don't just ignore her request, but give a firm answer and that you are not available to run the errand or take care of whatever she previously arranged.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
W told me I put her stuff on Sons iPad. I didn't touch it. I think it must of linked via the cloud and she saw something from her A on his iPad. She said she wasn't going to go to church and had to study. When we got home I found she took all the computers, including my work computer and my personal credit card. She also found my DB book in my truck and some other marriage CDs. She took those as well. I am going to stay calm and demand she returns the items when she gets home.
That is really horrible! Is your work computer password protected? Police needed?
Whoah, police? Really??
Please do NOT escalate things so fast!! I love that you want to stay calm.
I took a communication class for trial lawyers and recall that "When two people are in conflict, the calmer person is the one with the power". The one who Loses their sh1t, is the loser...hence never losing it, (at least not in court.)
First, verify what is gone and who is responsible. THEN address it calmly, firmly.
But be ready for HER to feel victimized and betrayed, which is something you'll have to handle well, too. It'll be a balancing act of validating her concerns with empathy, and asserting yourself and your property rights.
You have the right to privacy as much as she does, that's for sure.
Are you ready? Remember, the power goes to the calmer party...
Last edited by 25yearsmlc; 11/23/1408:57 PM.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
