Ganb8te 2 - WAH - lost in translation

[gan]

Thanks for weighing in.

OW, depression, early MLC - they are all possibilities.

In terms of what I am going to do:

- no snooping - if he's seeing someone, whatever, it's his decision. I will decide later if we can recover from that, but for now I'm not putting much thought to it
- not going to initiate contact until his b'day (Jan 6, and even then I might not). He's going back to his country to attend his sister's wedding. He'll also meet our nephew for the first time and see his childhood friend who got really angry at H when he said he was moving out. Methinks it will be a confronting time for H
- if H does initiate contact before he leaves I will say yes - and try to make it something fun or new ("There's a new restaurant I want to check out…"). I may have a letter in my back pocket to give to him if it feels right
- spend time with family over the holidays then plan a trip for one to somewhere nice between Christmas and NYE. Not sure if it will be a road trip or if I will fly somewhere...or maybe I will join an adventure group on a multi-day trip
- continue yoga, mindfulness practice - these are now routine, part go my package. What a gift.
- continue to lovingly detach, keep my anger in check and practice compassion for what every H is going through
- research a few more GAL activities for the new year. My volunteering roles dried up at the end of the year so I need to get a few more things going
- continue the 180s - say yes more often, be more calm and friendly in my interactions with people, put on a smily face more often, don't get worked up over work issues…just generally be the person I want to be

[Nettles]

Ok, wasn't what I was thinking.

I was thinking of the importance of what you highlighted in your post. 1.5 months of NC = H initiated contact.

Right now, don't worry what H is dealing with, think about what works for you in drawing H in. We need another 1.5-2 months of NC to see what happens.

[gan]

Thanks, Nettles. That *is* what I was thinking - hence not initiating contact till after new year at very soonest (his bday being a possible interruption to NC). That's about 1.5 months since last contact. If he initiates meanwhile then I will play along.