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Joined: Sep 2011
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Had court, the order was changed to allow contact with her (peaceful contact) regarding children only for 1 year, unless she dismisses the order. The best part of this, it "forces" me to follow the rules of this forum and DB'ing. I still hold hope and will be strong.

Since I do not expect that she will contact me, i believe I should file for visitation tomorrow morning.

Oh and I am also not allowed on the property of what used to be our home for any reason during that 1 year.


Me: 34
Her: 30
Together: 05/03/2002
Married: 10/14/2004
Children: D9,D6,S4
Bomb 1: 07/24/2011
Repaired: 11/01/2011
Bomb 2: 08/26/2014
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 108
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sent my first message to her today - 5 minutes ago. "I miss our children. When can I see them?"


Me: 34
Her: 30
Together: 05/03/2002
Married: 10/14/2004
Children: D9,D6,S4
Bomb 1: 07/24/2011
Repaired: 11/01/2011
Bomb 2: 08/26/2014
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 108
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Joined: Sep 2011
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SO we talked a bit after i messaged her. The conversation was not a Perfect one, but i resisted better than i expected. I talked calmly and did not push any issues. We talked about scheduling time with the kids.

She did mention that she filed for support and visitation (hurt to hear it - makes it more real) - i did not say anything about it.

Just asking advice here - she started talking about some things about us (nothing good, but nothing bad) and then after a careful response from me, said she did not want to talk about it. But seconds later she would bring up something again. and repeated this several times (I did not bring anything up first). Not going to read into it, but I wanted to mention it.


Me: 34
Her: 30
Together: 05/03/2002
Married: 10/14/2004
Children: D9,D6,S4
Bomb 1: 07/24/2011
Repaired: 11/01/2011
Bomb 2: 08/26/2014
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,708
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I think when a WAS say they don't want to talk about it they mean they don't care about anything that you have to say, but want to give you a piece of their mind. Just validate. No disagreements, no debating. There may be time for that much later. For now, communicate with your ACTIONS ONLY.

Good job not blowing it up. That must have been a terrifying conversation. By keeping it level you set the tone for an amicable separation. That's a critical first step towards anything good!


Me:38 XW:38
T:11 years M:8 years
Kids: S14, D11, D7
BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Joined: Sep 2011
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For sure, I did not mess it up, but I understand what you mean. She does not want Me to talk about it. Yes actions only is the goal. It was indeed terrifying, my heart was thumping the entire time.

Also - not jumping to conclusions, my sister had talked to W tonight and my sister says that W told her "I wish we could have handled this better, like adults instead of the protective order. I wanted to call him a lot of times but did not know where his emotional state was, and because of the court order." My sister says when my W told her this, she sounded upset.

I am not reading this or going to worry about it. I am just thinking that If I live by the rules and do the right things - because I have to for me - I can have a better smile for some hope.


Me: 34
Her: 30
Together: 05/03/2002
Married: 10/14/2004
Children: D9,D6,S4
Bomb 1: 07/24/2011
Repaired: 11/01/2011
Bomb 2: 08/26/2014
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 108
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OP Offline
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Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 108
So i talked to my kids on the phone today for the first time in a while. only a couple minutes, but well worth saying hi and telling them i miss them and love them. My oldest asked if I was going with them on Halloween, and I said that I would like to.

The W came on the phone and asked "do you want to take them?" and I replied, are you saying you don't want to go with them? I won't pester you or bother you." She said "it's not about that, we'll have to discuss that later."

I know I need to leave that alone, but what else could it possibly be about. Any insight? just to calm my nerves. I know i need to leave it and accept, but still.


Me: 34
Her: 30
Together: 05/03/2002
Married: 10/14/2004
Children: D9,D6,S4
Bomb 1: 07/24/2011
Repaired: 11/01/2011
Bomb 2: 08/26/2014
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
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Rather than analyzing her moves, just take your kids. You haven't seen them in a long time. Go and make the most of it. Be the best dad ever. Don't grovel to your W. Especially if she had threatened you under false pretenses. She's trying to be the one who is in control. Don't let her do that by taking whatever she throws your way. They are YOUR KIDS.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
Joined: Jun 2008
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BTW, you need to start a new thread since this one is running out of space.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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