Happy Thanksgiving everyone and if you are not celebrating Thanksgiving then happy weekend to you!
Thank you so much to Zues, Vanilla, Ganb8te and Ss for your kind and wise words. I am taking them to heart.
I don't have much to report about my WAH. After being very friendly and chatty (in response to his friendliness) earlier this week I pulled back and stopped replying to him. As I said earlier I feel that he is coming closer but I am not sure whether it is to keep me as part of his harem, to keep me as backup or just out of pure friendzone friendliness. So I pull back to see what he does next.
There have been a few times in the past months where he has come toward me and tried to communicate that he missed me or that he was unhappy with his decision. But I was in a place of anger and hurt and I didn't listen to him. I used it as an opportunity to tell him how I felt and how angry and hurt I am.
I am waiting for the next time he comes around and tries to express his feelings. Perhaps that will never happen again, maybe now he is happy with his harem. But if it does, this time I want to be prepared to listen, to validate and not to react with anger and hurt. Not easy, because I am still very angry, disgusted, disillusioned and jealous.
As you say Zues, I am frustrated that he does not see my changes. And as you say I am getting pretty tired of trying to impress him or anyone else for that matter. I feel ok with myself and if I am single forever then I guess that is ok.
Vanilla, the one thing my H desires more than anything is love and connection. He is not happy being alone. He currently does not know where he wants to find that love. He is quite confused. I think he is still in love with the OW#1 and is still in love with me, and is also interested in multiple other women - and that confuses him. He does not understand what is happening. He has an immature picture of love right now. My decision is whether I want to wait until he figures out what he wants. The answer is probably not for much longer.
Thank you all for checking in with me and reading my babbling. I appreciate it. I hope you all have a great weekend!
I suggest that in reality, you don't know what H is thinking or feeling. It is not realistic to interpret.
You may never know.
It will not benefit you to even guess. If you asked him he may or may not tell you even if he knows. He is not behaving as if he needs love and connection. Lisa, you are being too kind but at the same time describe your feelings as angry, disgusted etc.........
IC? Of course you are entitled to your feelings, but although it's hard work then you might choose to investigate if these are useful to you. How can you judge what you really want until you have? You write clearly and eloquently about your confusion.
If you would like H then the mixed feelings need unravelling. Concentrate on Lisa rather than H. Make the changes for Lisa and not so H will notice.
Lisa deserves happiness.
Regards Vanilla
Last edited by Vanilla; 11/28/1408:29 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Lisa, don't worry -- you won't be single forever, and truly, you deserve better than what your WAH is offering. Don't be afraid to move on. I'm glad you're going dark on him. It's ridiculous that we have to feel that we are auditioning for our own marriages. If he comes around, so be it. But for now, know that you are a strong, beautiful woman who will be fine no matter what. I, for one, hope that you end up with someone better than that.
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
