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MLC is all about accepting that there is nothing you could have done to prevent H making such destructive choices at this time in his life. That is an extremely confusing message at the start of a new chapter in the lives of the LBS.


I agree on this: some marriages fail because one of the partners is broken. Does that mean we were perfect - no, and often we exhibited some co-dependent behaviours, but I agree that anyone who thinks we could have somehow stopped the juggernaut that is real MLC probably hasn't experienced it at first hand.

However, by the same token, we didn't break them (as Job says) and we can't fix them. If they work through it, it will be in their time, and because they find the courage/desperation/motivation to do so . Some do, and there are heart warming stories of working through the crisis and reconciliation.

All we can do, therefore, is to work on ourselves, recognise that this person needs our compassion, but not our help, and get on with our lives as if they were never coming back. If they do, and you still want the marriage it is a bonus. if they don't, you are well on your road to a great new life.

It has taken me a long time to get to this stage: I truly thought my xh would be one of those who would fix himself - he had lost so much. But clearly not, and honestly, although I miss who he was, I have a great life now.