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Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 545
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Posts: 545
Ganb8te,

I guess there's really not more that I can do with the finances. I'm not in dire straits, its just some of these decisions having some significant long term impact. Either direction our R goes, we can still manage. Its just as a couple we usually would make very carefully planned fiscal decisions. That and a piece of it is some resentment from me that she's making the decisions w/o discussing them first.

HPoirot,

Yeah, I know. Its a struggle for me to not think of it. I was so confused for so many weeks after she left and then I figured out the OM. It actually helped my emotional state since I had no clue what had happened to cause the S. A lot of my overanalyzing is that I'm trying to figure out exactly what was wrong with our M in order to find what to work on for myself.

Talking with my IC, I think one of my issues is being Mr. Nice Guy. My IC last week actually said it was a relief that I finally got to the anger phase of the S. I spent about 6 weeks saying that I felt bad for her, I need to help her, it was all my fault, etc. Then I spent 3 weeks making excuses for the W and the OM. I do need to GAL, my problem is even when we were together; I needed to force myself to GAL after we had kids. I always preferred just to hang out with them and W as a family. I was always a homebody.

Thinks I need to improve:
l
Understand that W is my W first and Mom second
GAL more
Loosen up
Less Critical
Stop overanalyzing
No passive agressive


M:36 W:37
T: 15 M:11
S6 D5
BD: 8/10/14
IDLY: 8/12/14
S: 8/13/14 (she left, I stayed w/ kids)
D Mentioned: 10/15/14
Confronted about OM: 10/15/14
EA: ~4/13 PA: ~10/13
She filed: 8/15 (not final)
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 545
M
MCS Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
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Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 545
So, financial decisions continue. She sent me an email today that she's separating out the car insurance to individual policies. Its not a big deal, but why even do that, there's no difference other than higher prices for each of us....

I'm still struggling with giving her this space for stuff like this. I just want to send an email and say "Why can't we just sit down and talk about this..."


M:36 W:37
T: 15 M:11
S6 D5
BD: 8/10/14
IDLY: 8/12/14
S: 8/13/14 (she left, I stayed w/ kids)
D Mentioned: 10/15/14
Confronted about OM: 10/15/14
EA: ~4/13 PA: ~10/13
She filed: 8/15 (not final)
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 545
M
MCS Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
M
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 545
W just picked up the kids, so I'm bummed.

I had a good time with them for Thanksgiving and playing in the snow. It's horrible seeing them go. They asked the question they always seem to ask her. "Why can't you and Daddy figure it out" and D4 saying she's going to miss me. S5 hit her with a new one that he asked me last week. "Why don't you and Daddy feel the same way about each other" He asked me last week why I still loved Mommy but she doesn't love me anymore. She deflected all of the questions. Its so painful to see them getting shut down also.

Anyway, I guess a little progress.....
-She came into the house!!! Just while the kids were getting their shoes on, but before today she would always seem to wait outside.
-She gave the dog a hug and kissed him on his head. She hasn't seen him for 3.5 months.
-The kids talked to her about some new puppies they were holding at my relatives' house. She told them that she saw the pictures. I had sent the pictures to her. I debated sending pictures of the kids having fun. She didn't reply or say anything to me, but at least she acknowledged them.


M:36 W:37
T: 15 M:11
S6 D5
BD: 8/10/14
IDLY: 8/12/14
S: 8/13/14 (she left, I stayed w/ kids)
D Mentioned: 10/15/14
Confronted about OM: 10/15/14
EA: ~4/13 PA: ~10/13
She filed: 8/15 (not final)
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