Blindsided but finding my way (6)

[Jefe]

You were crying for the man you lost, not this self absorbed alien being from It's All About Me land. Don't beat yourself up for having human emotion over the man you vowed to spend the rest of your life with. And don't you dare let this counterfeit version of your husband have any effect on you today.

(((rppfl)))

[Maybell]

^^^^^ Yep.

Hugs!!

[Ahoy]

rppfl, I have those days as well -- in fact, two this week. Not even sure why I cry, because, like you, a man who behaves the way yours and mine have are not worth crying over. But it is natural to mourn the relationship we had, or thought we had, and to mourn the person our H once was, and what they are doing to the family.

The emotions do seem to come in cycles of up and down. Just know that they will pass and in time this will all seem far away. Hugs!

[labug]

rpp--My trip was great! The weather was crappy, but nothing that couldn't be overlooked with good food and a little wine. I kept my travel crap out, because I'm heading back to NY on Wednesday - this time to the NYC area.

What did this look like for you?

LOL, I knew I was gonna be on the hook for this one! Here's how it all started for me. I forced myself to analyze all the excuses I made. Across the board. For myself and others and for situations. And in that muddled mess was a common theme. I bet you have a common theme too. But in the end, I found out through that introspection that I was the one who prevented myself from moving forward. My excuses were based on an erroneous set of assumptions and conclusions, and when I challenged myself, I found out that things were vastly different than the small box where I based all those assumptions.

Hint: the common denominator in all of that was... me.

I'll add, BOUNDARIES! Find out what that means for you. I would guess you have very few (you're not alone, I had, hmmmmm lemme think...NONE) It's amazing what figuring out where you end and others begin can do for you.

Also, self-compassion. I was always harder on myself than anyone else was. I was sitting in IC this week talking about that and realized I would have made a great penitente. Give yourself some love, let go of your "mistakes".

To set good boundaries takes a lot of courage. And you have to be going through this process of acknowledging your pain, and also what triggers you, and acknowledging how much you can handle and how much you can't handle. There's already a lot of courage that's gone on in coming to the place of setting boundaries. But, the intention is to make communication clearer.

It's work but it's worth it.