Also, have you seen people here talking about the Stockdale Paradox? Apply it to your sitch. It is very powerful. Look it up, but basically it's two components: Forcd yourself to be relentlessly positive while also being 100% aware of the reality of your situation. Face the gravest details of your reality - say them out loud, write them down and read them. It HURTS to admit the worst, but give it a little time and those facts will have less and less effect on you and your emotions. I promise.
^^^Read this, Card is dead on with this.^^^
I'm researching it now myself.
Originally Posted By: lostluv
I sold my motorcycles, sold my car, sold my synthesizers and other instruments....all to invest into this house that I assumed I would be in for the rest of my life.
Man, I got more guitars than I know what to do with sometimes. I got rid of my cars (OK I kept one in the garage). I could still spend hours on guitar and car websites. You don't have to give up time with your D to spend already wasted time at least dreaming about some of these things on the internet instead of trying to manage your situation while your dying inside.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
Seems I have made my wife irritated? Seems she is fishing for me to ask her about her night, and I wont. When she asks about what I'm doing tonight I keep it vague but tell her minor details that she specifically asks. That's not what irritated her though.....When I got up she mentioned she was hungry, I said I was too. She was online and said "oh, that Asian place delivers" (the place we went to dinner a couple weeks ago on our *date*) I said "oh yeah, you ordering? " she said "I was thinking about it. ...do you want anything? " me- "no thanks, I'll warm up some left overs. You can order if you want though" wife-"nevermind, I'm not going to have them deliver only one meal"(very snotty) Me- "ok. That's up to you."
She got up and stomped into the kitchen
Why is she mad? I don't know and not sure I care....
Time to go have some fun!
me-42 w-33 d-3 together-6 m-4yr 6/1/14-w check out 6/15/14-EA? 8/1/14-mc 9/1/14-IDLY-started DBing 9/15/14-w suggest separation 10/17/14 wife is done 12/13/2014 - wife move out me file 1/1/15
My buddy invited me to go to a "beer fest" next weekend. I want to go but not sure if I should. It is over an hour away and my buddy and his fiancé are staying the night. (They didn't invite me to stay over, lol, just to goto fest).
Anyway, I don't want to drive but not sure I want to get a room IF there is even one available. I feel that if I go I'm sure it will be fun but I don't want to end up emotional as I usually do .
Anyway, today is a new day . Got up early and went grocery shopping......as always on Sunday morn. Came home and made pancakes and coffee. I was going to just make pancakes for just me and my daughter (my wife typically eats the gluten free ones) but I asked the wife if she wanted any even though they weren't gluten free.....she said sure. So I gave her a couple of mine. I let her initiate conversation and kept it short. She inquired about my night and asked what time I got home. I was honest but didn't give many details.
My wife asked if I happened to get any lasagna noodles when went shopping. I told her I did because I planned on making lasagna later this week because I have a new recipe I want to try. (Remember: I don't usually cook lol). She said " oh, I was thinking of doing that as well". That caught her off guard and she really didn't know what else to say.
Later She said that the yearly Halloween party at her aunts work was Friday night "if you are interested in going" ..... So I agreed to go. I am not sure I really want to go and be there w her, but I'm going for my daughter. Also, her aunt loves me and has been the one to sake my wife about how seriously she takes her wedding vows and i have always gotten along with them. It is at a retirement home that is run and owned by nuns that live on site.
I told her I planned on going to the beer fest (just to give heads up about planning so if SHE wanted to do something she would know to get a sitter) but I'm still debating .......
I really need to get some more friends. I did run into an old friend last night and talked a bit, but it's a female and I can't do things with her because wouldn't feel comfortable hanging w another woman.
me-42 w-33 d-3 together-6 m-4yr 6/1/14-w check out 6/15/14-EA? 8/1/14-mc 9/1/14-IDLY-started DBing 9/15/14-w suggest separation 10/17/14 wife is done 12/13/2014 - wife move out me file 1/1/15
Are you kidding me? You are invited to a Beer Fest with friends, and you're not sure you're going to go?
The Beer Fest is a wonderful GAL activity. You put on your PMA with your friends, so they want to hang out with you. This is the same PMA that you keep on when your W is around, so its good practice. Do not be a "Debbie Downer". Smile and have fun!
Today the wife had to run some errands and when she got home she said she still had another one but my daughter needed a nap. I told her I wanted to shop for a few new shirts. She said she could take our daughter w her (but didn't sound happy). Normally I would offer to keep her because of how she hinted but this time I said "ok, I will head out then" I went shopping and got a couple new shirts then went to a movie. I text to let her know I wouldn't be home for a couple more hours cuz seeing a movie.....her response "by yourself? ?" Yep
me-42 w-33 d-3 together-6 m-4yr 6/1/14-w check out 6/15/14-EA? 8/1/14-mc 9/1/14-IDLY-started DBing 9/15/14-w suggest separation 10/17/14 wife is done 12/13/2014 - wife move out me file 1/1/15
My concern isn't about keeping my happy face w friend(s) , it's how I always end up after drinking and seeing couples everywhere. At least locally I can leave to be alone for a breakdown. Maybe I will check on the price for a room........
me-42 w-33 d-3 together-6 m-4yr 6/1/14-w check out 6/15/14-EA? 8/1/14-mc 9/1/14-IDLY-started DBing 9/15/14-w suggest separation 10/17/14 wife is done 12/13/2014 - wife move out me file 1/1/15
How much are you drinking? Might be wise to cut that out for while to allow yourself to process this.
I know what you mean about seeing couples everywhere. You don't realize just how many people are already married until you are threatened with the possibility of being "back on the market". Went I met WAW, when I was 19, jeez, every girl I was available (not that I'm amazing and had my pick, just that the pool was wide open). I had a weak night once and checked old GFs, female acquaintances on FB. ALL of them are married now.
Until you get over that sting, avoid places heavily packed with families and couples- hardware stores, Target, populated playgrounds (find something secluded for you and D3). I also recommend regularly attending group dance lessons. It is a great GAL activity, and you almost never see couples there.
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
haven't drank a lot really. even when I go out (like last night) I had 6 beers spread over 6 hours.
I just went online and bought a "package" deal. a ticket for the beerfest and a hotel room on the resort.
not a cheap night ($312), but I need to do this for ME.
pretty sad though that inside I feel paranoid that my wife will be mad about how much it was. then I thought "what's she going to do, leave me?" and chuckled to myself.....
I know, that's bad to think that. and I do feel guilty....but I really need to try to get away.
the countdown begins
me-42 w-33 d-3 together-6 m-4yr 6/1/14-w check out 6/15/14-EA? 8/1/14-mc 9/1/14-IDLY-started DBing 9/15/14-w suggest separation 10/17/14 wife is done 12/13/2014 - wife move out me file 1/1/15
.