I talked to my coach last night and learned that it may be a longer road than I hoped. It was discouraging when I miss him so much no matter what I do for myself and my life. I'm starting to record the baby steps. Since we are 3000 miles apart, it's harder not being face to face. He's wanting to take it slowly so wishes I was there with him so we could see one another and it would be gradual. So because we are not I need solutions to keep him hopeful as he is giving up hope of working it out.
I really need help as I'm crying as if it was month one. It's four months since I've seen his face. Now he's going to visit his son and new daughter in law without me. It's the trip I wanted to take with him to meet his son that was preempted by their wedding with all the stress of that and then some. Too much too fast. And it's this time last year that we took a blistful trip with beautiful fall leaves surrounding us still so much in love. I still have the same love for him and it's not diminishing. He still feels it too but needs time to heal so I keep telling myself I'm giving him a gift of time. I hope he knows this.
I'm thinking he's the only one for me because he is perfect for me. But is there someone else out there that is also perfect? I'm almost 60 and I've loved him since I'm 16.
What 180's? I am not being defensive. I accept that what he says is what he thinks and what is on his mind and do not put meaning into it. I ask him if need be.
I am giving him space and trying to not ask him to "talk" but rather putting positive mental energy into my communication. I shed a tear a few weeks ago turning the conversation to us and I'm sorry I slipped. He felt terrible that he's hurting me even though he knows I think it's ok for me to shed a tear. He was ok after that and seemed positive and then went dark so I'm not sure why. We have only exchanged a few words back and forth since last Friday.
