Maybell XIII

[Maybell]

I am very ashamed of the pumpkin pie story.

Things had been declining steadily from August till November, and somehow I got it in his head that if he loved me he would show it by making sure I got a pumpkin pie for Thanksgiving, since we were spending it with his family. I don't typically enjoy the Thanksgiving menu and I decided to make a stand on that particular hill. There is no part of spending the holiday there that is not about fifty times more work for me than basically any other trip we go on. It is NOT FUN. Additionally, because there was heavy snow forecast for the day of the drive, we left the afternoon before so we wouldn't have to stress about traffic. So did EVERYONE ELSE in our metro area, and we ended up spending six hours sitting in traffic to go 100 miles.

He tried to get me that pumpkin pie, I'll give him that. His mother doesn't like pumpkin pie and it didn't happen. I decided this was a sign he was going to divorce me and reacted with the appropriate panic to that conviction.

Why I couldn't have just run down to the market and BOUGHT a pumpkin pie I will never know. All I can say is, I was deep in a hole and had no interest in perspective.

I don't expect him to invite me. His parents think we're actually in the middle of a divorce and I don't think he has it in him to open up about the uncertainty of where we actually are because then they'll pump him (or me) with questions he doesn't want to address with them. I'm making plans to do my own thing for the holiday. It's just a wish.

[labug]

Ohh man I used to say inside my head was a very dangerous neighborhood. Maybe we shared a neighborhood.

[labug]

Just a short comment before you close this thread. Don't put yourself in dangerous situations until you feel stronger. No matter what kind of pressure you get, be strong for yourself. When we get in dysfunctional family situations we tend to revert to our old ways of dealing with things, old hurts and defenses spring up automatically (addicts have to change those they associate with, sometimes move).

Be good to yourself first.

[Maybell]

You know, as I wrote that pumpkin pie story I had that thought too. Thanks for the reminder.

Anyway, I wanted to take this year as my opportunity to spend the holiday freely and explore who *I* want to be!

I know it's in my tag line, but I'm starting to believe it:
All will be well, and all will be well, and all manner of things will be well.