I think it speaks volumes about your character that you can still have compassion and hope and it often sounds even like love for this man.
It can be so crushing when those we love don't live up to our expectations of who we think they should be. And when we marry, it's hard to know whether our partner will be cut out for the difficult work of parenting, that requires us to nearly always put another human's needs first and be selfless. That is tough to do.
Sometimes you gotta just vent. Hang in there. Thankfully your children have you-- a mom who is so capable and mature and able to put their well-being first, and be loving and supportive to them even when you are hurting.
Big hugs to you, Maybell! You have a lot going through your head right now. It's good to use this forum for venting when you need to (I certainly do). I hope writing that letter, even if you don't send it, brought some release. Sometimes the best thing to do is vent in a safe place, then give yourself some time for the anger to pass (it will).
Just know you are doing a terrific job for your kids. Regardless of his involvement as a parent, and the fact that nothing you say to him will likely make him a better parent, you can be there for your kids. You are enough, even though it might feel overwhelming at times.
Hang in there.
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
