Inside my chrysalis 3

[topgunmb]

I often wonder the same things. Does she even think about me at all? We seem to be back to the stage of only talking to me when it's about the kids. You can't help but be sad because this is a person that you shared so much with and it was that one person at the end of the day that you knew you could talk to and now they're not there. It's easy to speculate about what they're doing, who they're talking to instead of you, and to think that you're not even a blip on their radar anymore. Usually what works for me when those thoughts start creeping in, usually when I'm not taking care of the kids, is to go to Netflix and turn something funny on, then laugh my head off.

Like Pilot said, hang in there. We got your back.

[Ss06]

Thanks, topgun. It is so hard for me not to speculate and mind read but being aware of it has really shifted my focus and allowed me to get control of my spinning. It takes me longer than I expect though to really come down from my habit of speculation. Hours sometimes. I'm hoping I'll eventually get to the point where it just be minutes and then one day I'll habitually not do it at all. Too much to ask?

[Card29]

I am becoming more skilled at feeling the start of a spin. If I catch it within a minute or two of starting those thoughts, I can usually just dodge them immediately. The last couple of days, I've been trying out vossy's technique of immediately countering a negative thought with a positive spin. I can definitely say that it has worked for me so far! I was actually laughing at myself last night. She asked me to pick up a medication for her before the pharmacy closed because she couldn't get there in time. I thought to myself, "OMG who is she on a date with that is preventing her from going to the pharmacy??" I followed that up with, "Well maybe she is planning a dinner with me to re-confess her love to me." I was literally laughing out loud after I thought of that. Once I had the balanced thought, I could see how ridiculous both were, how impossible it was to tell if either is true, and how pointless it was to consider either possibility. I left both thoughts behind and enjoyed the rest of my night.

[vossy]

Yay, I'm glad this technique is working for each of you. It has *really* helped me over the last few months.. it's just a nice way to bring yourself back down to earth. I've actually found that it works outside DBing too..

[Jefe]

"I am becoming more skilled at feeling the start of a spin. If I catch it within a minute or two of starting those thoughts, I can usually just dodge them immediately. The last couple of days, I've been trying out vossy's technique of immediately countering a negative thought with a positive spin. I can definitely say that it has worked for me so far! I was actually laughing at myself last night. She asked me to pick up a medication for her before the pharmacy closed because she couldn't get there in time. I thought to myself, "OMG who is she on a date with that is preventing her from going to the pharmacy??" I followed that up with, "Well maybe she is planning a dinner with me to re-confess her love to me." I was literally laughing out loud after I thought of that. Once I had the balanced thought, I could see how ridiculous both were, how impossible it was to tell if either is true, and how pointless it was to consider either possibility. I left both thoughts behind and enjoyed the rest of my night."

Good grief. I need to try this technique. Man, my head spins out of control from 0-warp speed in 2 seconds flat. Not a single one of my fears has been confirmed since she left and evidence has proved she has been telling the truth since too, but try telling my heart that.

[LisaB]

I love vossy's technique. Genius!

Unfortunately most of the things I have made up in my head about my WAH have turned out to be true. But this is also a good way to avoid the spiral of negative thinking, no matter how negative the situation actually is.

I agree that this technique can be useful for all manner of situations.