Sometimes telling people puts you right back in that difficult emotional place. I find that when I have to tell someone new, I have a hard time and am emotional and sad for a while afterwards. Then, with a bit of time, I feel stronger again. It's good to open up and share what you're going through, even though it is hard, because you will be widening your circle of friends who care (and can help, as you noted). Stay strong!
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
I hate that you're going through this, rppfl. I have been praying that your husband will come to his senses.
1 Corinthians 15:34
Thanks, I appreciate the prayers.
Back to School Night was interesting. H has never liked those events, and since I only had one schedule to walk, I was fine going alone and having him get dinner for the girls. But all my friends asked about H, which was awkward, although they didn't realize it, I just said he was fine and dandy thanks. It makes me wonder what to say after he actually moves out, do I continue to say fine and wait for someone else to share the gossip? I guess it will depend on who it is.
And last night also put my social fears into context. I went through the directory and noted which families have divorced parents. The count is 86. Out of about 600 families. And of the 86, many have remarried. So the percentage of single moms/dads is really low. Fact is, I don't really have any divorced friends. There's one mom at D11's new school, but she and her ex are "best friends" (her words) and he still pays for her to be a SAHM. She wont' go to any social event without him, she might as well be M. A couple of weeks ago, IC told me I might need to get some new friends, and I think she's right. Not that I'm giving up my old ones, but they just aren't as available to me as a single as they were a couple. Over the summer when H was out of town, I went to a couple of Meet-Up events and met some people there. I haven't been to anything since school started, but I'm willing to give those people a try. Being social outside my job is hard for me, but I'm determined to GAL.
I hear you about needing single friends. I haven't gotten there yet.
WRT your H moving out... I found that when I told a couple of key people the word started getting out on its own. It was hard to talk about the first couple of months, and I tried to cover it up, but when I was able to be more honest things became a LOT easier, especially when I had childcare issues and needed help.
I don't know what else to say, but I did want to say I hear you. Have a great day!!!
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Finding new friends will happen, you may need to get some new activities but you can do that when the time is right.
About the separation and letting people know, you could tell a few close friends and then let them know whether it's OK to share that info if it comes up.Or you could not tell them at all.
When we S, I told my supervisor at work and said "I don't want to talk about this with others. I will let people know as I see fit." I work with a group of 20 women. I told maybe 2 people. No one else ever asked me anything. I don't know what others knew or didn't know. People don't need to know everything about our private lives. Unless your name is Kardashian
Only tell what you feel comfortable telling when you feel comfortable telling them.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
rpp -- keep trying Meetup! That's been my go-to source for GAL these days. Some events are better than others, but there's something to be said for meeting new people, hearing new stories (everyone has had their challenges in life), and doing things with a group without the pressures of a "date."
I feel the same way about not having single friends - it's difficult at this stage in life. I feel like I'm the odd man out in musical chairs. Everyone managed to find a seat, and I landed on my a$$ on the floor. (And the music has stopped and everyone is staring at me.)
I've met some really nice men and women through MeetUp -- I especially like the hiking groups because it's conducive to conversations. Tomorrow, I'm going to a concert with one meetup group, and on Saturday I'm going to a hayride/barn dance/potluck with another. There are lots of fun opportunities to connect and get out of the house. Go find them!
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
