I don't feel welcome to ask how he feels, so I don't. He's closed off from everyone. But I could see that he was tired. He was tired from the kids, tired because his job requires him to be in meetings ALL the time, and he's an introvert. He has set up his life to be a ton more work than it was before (just the thought of what he has to do to park his car makes me tired) I can't tell that he gets pleasure from ANYTHING anymore. The sight of that Bud Light excited him more than I've seen in months.
I don't know what happened to the bowling. He texted me from brunch with the kids that they were going to come to the house, that they wanted to eat at home rather than bowl. When they got to the house, he said the kids would have been happy either way but he'd steered them to coming home. I don't know why. I asked. He's not very communicative. He sighed and said "they never sleep past seven." I just said "I know."
We are tired. Years of upheaval. Very little support as a family. Do you know what I'd give for us to just snuggle in the couch and rest together? But instead, we're in this exhausting place.
I know I'm super emotional. I know I had hopes (expectations) that there'd be at least a moment of connection. I know that later today, or tomorrow, I'll put my ring back on and take up the fight. But today, I'm tired and selfish and I don't want to hurt anymore.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
