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Wow-I think that all the time.

It does make me feel better sometimes.

I tend to forget that she is out of control and did not just decide one day to hurt me - and keep doing it. I tend to forget about the MLC aspect but when I re-read and dig deeper into that, it makes sense.

I can't say for sure if that is what has happened/is happening, but I also cannot say what else it is. It is very familiar when I read other's posts (yours).

I'm so glad I found this place - I would be in such a BAD place without all of the great people here. I've learned so much.


Me-45 W-44
S21, S18, D15
T-27, M-21
BD Jan 2014
PA revealed March 2014
In-house separation - April 2015
I filed - Aug 2015
She moved out Oct 2015
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 924
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So-something that causes a break down - I feel it's detaching, she feels it's me not accepting.

She talks a lot about work - I let her and listen, acting or being interested. In the conversations she brings up OM - She works with him daily. I tend to fade off and shut down a little and this infuriates her. She reads my face. She usually shuts down (or storms off like tonight).

This is going to be tough - I am trying to stay detached, and a daily conversation about our work days used to be so normal. Now - with this - it gets to me every time. I know - detach.


Me-45 W-44
S21, S18, D15
T-27, M-21
BD Jan 2014
PA revealed March 2014
In-house separation - April 2015
I filed - Aug 2015
She moved out Oct 2015
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 334
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My suggestion: boundary about OM in conversation. She is not to bring him up, period.

If she does, you can walk away.

She can stew.

The end.

I hadn't heard about OW in ages until two weeks ago, and not really again since then. It was definitely more pleasant.

Joined: Jul 2014
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I did just that. When she came back I told her that while I like to have normal conversation about our days, it hurts me to hear about your interaction with him. I won't stay for these conversations.

Hey. Great minds...it felt good to verbalize it.

Of course she didn't like it. She talked about having to compartmentalizing work and home, what can we talk about? and said "maybe we should separate"
I replied "maybe we should". Probably should have said, "I'm sorry you feel that way" to validate, but I didn't.

I don't even get upset by that anymore - annoyed.


Me-45 W-44
S21, S18, D15
T-27, M-21
BD Jan 2014
PA revealed March 2014
In-house separation - April 2015
I filed - Aug 2015
She moved out Oct 2015
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 309
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Hey guys Dawgy here . Im starting to come out of a bad place that ive been in all this week . A couple things changed , I put my ring back on . Not to gain a reaction from her because Im sure she wouldnt care but as per conversation here it got me thinking and yeah Im not willing to remove it while Im still married and committed to my vows .If we separate I will continue to wear it . If we divorce then it will be removed and likely pawned for a jug of rum . lol
In the process of GAling ive mentioned about my interaction with other women and temptations that go along with it . It struck me last night at my sons football game that hey !! everything is going to work out one way or the other . If me and W make it then fine . But if we dont im kind of excited to know that there are countless other women out there looking for me . So i will not ever be alone unless I choose it .

Now Im not telling any of you guys to go out and see whats out there for you as far as mates but i think it is therapy for me . I have been practicing self control and Im not going to have an affair but I am going to interact with women just to remind me of what a great catch I am . Great for my confidence . U Turn , Mlp you can do the same without cheating , flirting is fine and it does make you realize life will go on and you will be happy again whatever way things go for us . Some will say not to do this , its not proper DBing but i think if you set boundaries with yourself this can do wonders for your confidence rebuilding . Just a thought , I know Im gonna hear it for this one lololol Dawgy


Me 45 W 45
Son 16 Son 14
Married 23 together 27
W threatened sep several times
W still at home
A discovered Mar 17 2014
A ended DEC 2 ( skeptical )
Joined: Jul 2014
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Hey there dawgy - glad to hear that you are feeling better. It's such a ride - isn't it?

I am keeping my ring on through the end too - I've thought it through - with some help here. I look at symbolism in my life and that is one of the things that symbolizes what I am doing, what I care about, and what I am fighting for.

another one (stupid symbolism) - my garden just won't grow this year and I cannot control the weeds. That sums things up for how I feel about my life sometimes. I don't share these thoughts with any one (well - until now).
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I am not even close to getting out there and being mr. charming. I don't want that right now. I think that comes from my history. That would be such a big move for me - I have not done that in 26 years (except with Mrs. U-turn). I totally understand how that can help some people's psyche but I don't think it would be good for mine. I would feel like I am not being honest then. I am not saying some day, but it is not in my playbook right now. (I am also not saying that it is bad for other people to do that either)

Before all of this W & I used to joke about not needing or wanting another relationship if anything were to ever happen to either of us - times have changed I guess.


Me-45 W-44
S21, S18, D15
T-27, M-21
BD Jan 2014
PA revealed March 2014
In-house separation - April 2015
I filed - Aug 2015
She moved out Oct 2015
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 33
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wow, man, I am so happy for you -- it may not feel like it, but the statement "it is going to work out either way" is a real breakthrough -- it was mine, too, by the way -- my ring is on and has never been off -- will never be -- I've decided to live as a married man, regardless of what happens -- a little out there, yes, but I think my girls will ask me someday why I am still alone --- that will be my sign that I did exactly what I intended -- served as a model for what commitment to my family looks like -- that is my long-term goal -- I think you need to do what make you feel confident -- all of us will pick differently in this area, and I think that is ok -- I think what folks were saying a couple days ago is do it for yourself, not to get your wife back -- at least that is what I ment :-) ... how is the tummy??

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Tummy is better . Macdonald s junior chicken sandwichs saved me . I said to heck with the healthy eating and just try to get some food in . Then when I feel better i will get on some healthy stuff > U Turn , I hope you didnt misunderstand what i was saying about interacting with women during GALing . Im not suggesting anything other than platonic relations and harmless flirting to build the confidence . Because frankly i dont care how much preaching goes on here about its not our fault and the problem is with our spouses not us . Well I bet every last one of us feels alot less confident and less appealing than we did before our sitches started . My point is to drive home the FACT that we are all still able to find a new mate that finds us attractive in many ways . Im not going to sleep with any ( although the opportunity is there ) Im only being friendly and maybe a little flirty and the response is well recieved which in turn is building my confidence . I cant keep falling into that hole she keeps kicking me into . Its too hard on me . However i will stay committed to her and I will NOT cheat .


Me 45 W 45
Son 16 Son 14
Married 23 together 27
W threatened sep several times
W still at home
A discovered Mar 17 2014
A ended DEC 2 ( skeptical )
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 924
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Dawgy - I didn't take it as a suggestion to go further. I too feel like I can a confidence/self esteem boost (I've not been good with that anyway).

I wasn't judging that plan, only saying that I don't feel that it is what I am after right now. And (not saying that you are), but I have a feeling that I would go out like a wounded bird looking for someone to pick me up and help me. I just want to avoid that now until I can go out as me and not me with a sob story.

I'm also not suggesting that I wouldn't be friendly to whoever I was talking to - I feel that, even with my introverted tendencies, I am usually friendly - just not outgoing.

I think you need to do what's best for you, but keep your goals in mind. Friendly is always good.


Me-45 W-44
S21, S18, D15
T-27, M-21
BD Jan 2014
PA revealed March 2014
In-house separation - April 2015
I filed - Aug 2015
She moved out Oct 2015
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