She was not late getting him. B-ball is 7-830. Her zumba class is 6-7. Parent meeting was 7-730. In the previous 5 weeks she was always there by 710. I usually stayed until then to talk to coaches or other parents. She was always there in the parking lot waiting next to my truck. I would walk out and we would talk about little things for a few minutes and I would go home. I did not see her car, and we had not specifically talked about pick up arrangements. She had left at 2 to go to a jewelry party in town and never came home. I called to confirm she was going to pick him up, since I was headed back to the fields to resume harvesting. My issue with the entire enteraction was that I expected her to call me back. I would have gladly stayed to pick him up or gone back to the school to pick him up. Reading back over this I can see my insecurities, controlling nature, and my expectations seeping out. Maybe this issue is more about me than her.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
Unfortunately lately, I have been doing this more and more.
When I got home from harvesting last night I grabbed a cold one and sat down on the edge of my bed and re-hashed the last 10 days, almost hour by hour. The more I thought about it the more I could see that I was allowing myself to see her as my W of old, not the WAW she is now. Her being at home still is hard. Detaching is hard. I slipped up and reattached a bunch. I decided last night too really work on detaching more. Posting and reading this morning has really "set" my resolve for this.
The anxiety has started creeping back in, I have been on edge more and able to sleep less. 2 weeks ago when I was more detached the anxiety was all but gone, I was sleeping through the night mostly, and I was not worrying all the time.
I think it stems from the fact that I have discovered that her activity with OM has picked up again. Long calls, hundreds of texts. I hate to give up the intel, but I think I need to go back to having blinders on for the sake of my own well being.
It all started last week when I heard her on the phone late at night and I checked the phone bill the next day. 2 months ago I set a boundary that there would be no phone calls from the house and she agreed to it. I reminded her of that and she apologized. Of course I checked the phone bill 3 or 4 times to be sure it had stopped. Thankfully it has. Unfortunately it set me WAY back.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
So if you want to D her tomorrow, the intel might be good. Why do you hate to give it up? Really think about that.
If it's affecting you physically, how helpful is it?
Figure out who you want to be through this, what you want to project to the outside world from inside you. See her as gone, your marriage over and proceed accordingly.
Your W is in an A with another man.
Doesn't mean you treat her poorly, but see the situation as it truly is.
Is she going to move out? Sorry I don't remember all the details.
Do you have an IC?
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
I think I hate to give up the intel because I feel the need to know what is going on. I think deep down I want to use the intel to control the situation . (oops!!)
I know my M is over, I dont want it anymore, she doesnt want it anymore. I struggle mightily because she is still home, in a separate bedroom. Being in limbo like that is horrible.
She has rented a house in town from a mutual friend. However, that friend still has her mom and brother living in the house, rent free. 4 weekends in a row now my W has gone to start cleaning and get the keys only to find that the mom and brother are still there.
We both are going to IC and we have went to MC (divorce C) several times. Same C. He is wonderful. However, due to colon cancer he is shutting down his practice in the very near futre.
I mention DC instead of MC because each time we have gone W refuses to talk about anything other than D and it frustrated us all to the point that we stopped going. I go weekly to IC and she has gone twice, maybe 3 times.
I am working on several 180s right now and doing well most of the time. I hit a dark spot this week and slid back into a little funk. I know that I want to be a better person after all this. I also still hope that W is the one that gets to benefit from the changes I have made. If not, I know I will eventually be happy on my own, and that I will learn to love myself again.
Something inside me changed this week and I became dissapointed in the way she was neglecting the boys. She had never been that way before. In my typical controlling fashion I mentioned to her that the boys had been complaining to me that she has not been around as much and that there have been several things they wanted to do with her and she was not available. I should step completely out of my W's relationship with the boys.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
