So my W called to see if everything was ok and talk. I told her that I missed her and then apologized for saying it and she told me to stop it was ok. Later on she called and said she was stopping by to pick up a pair of jeans. She stopped by and I told her it was good to see her. She said she would see me tomorrow and I said Friday right.
Talked with W last night and it wasn't good. It seems like everything I have been doing has caused her stress. She still thinks I have all the control and doesn't believe the changes I made will stick. She said her feelings haven't changed at all. I have bent over backwards to let her see I didn't control everything she just never makes any choices. So I ask her what she wants and I don't just accept I don't know. All for nothing and now I feel like what I thought was progress was for nothing. I have no clue what to do now.
"It seems like everything I have been doing has caused her stress."
First of all, your actions don't cause her stress. SHE causes herself stress. Stress is something you do to yourself. You have a choice on how to react to something.
"She still thinks I have all the control and doesn't believe the changes I made will stick."
Just tell her that the changes are for you and not for her.
"She said her feelings haven't changed at all. I have bent over backwards to let her see I didn't control everything"
You shouldn't have tried to "force" her to see things your way.
"she just never makes any choices."
That in and of itself is a choice.
"So I ask her what she wants and I don't just accept I don't know."
Why not? It's probably true that she doesn't know. Why do you keep insisting that she does? She's right. That does sound controlling. It makes it sound like you know her more than she knows her.
"All for nothing and now I feel like what I thought was progress was for nothing. I have no clue what to do now."
Stop doing things to get a response that you WANT out of her. That's controlling. Keep up your positive changes for you.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Guys I need help. Spoke with the W today about our earlier conversation. I asked her what she wanted to do and she said she wants to come home on the weekends and spend time with the boys. She also said she enjoyed spending time with me but her feelings haven't changed. I explained to her that I am totally confused because she tells me one minute that I am putting stress on her doing all the things that she wants to do or giving her the choices instead of just doing it myself.
So in our earlier conversation we agreed that she shouldn't come home on the weekends and that she should move her stuff out. That's what she wanted when this all began right? So now she doesn't want that and still doesn't want me but wants to keep hanging out and being a family. I am going nuts.
Thanks Ss it's really crazy. Is like she wants me to say I don't want to be with you either. She says she wants to go to counseling now but for us to work through this separation to divorce. I told her that we will not be on the same page because I still want to be with her. I think getting into some kind of therapy could help.
Hey guys been really busy and have to had the chance to post. Things with the W are still the same. She is opposed to any changes in our R at this time. She still wants to come home on the weekends.
Something I have seen and brought to her attention is the anger she express with the kids and I. It makes me feel really bad if there is any kind of bumps at this time because of her reaction. She doesn't scream or anything but her face shows a lot of anger and then she pushes it down.
Things this week with the W have been ok. I have started to pull back and do things differently. I don't know if the things I was doing was putting pressure on her but she said they were so I stopped. One thing I stopped doing was calling her at all. I will return her calls but I will not call her. I also stopped making plans to do things with her. If she wants to do anything she can let me know. She must have realized things have changed because she called me a lot this week for no reason just to talk. One thing I am seeing is her spending is out of control but I have not said anything to her about it. I have also started to go out when she is home with friends.
