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Shakspr #2496677 10/13/14 03:23 PM
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 44
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hope224 Offline OP
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The past few months have been the busiest for me. Moving, visiting, working, etc. I didn't think grocery shopping could be stressful. haha.
But, I've been handling it pretty well. I think it is the mindframe I have now. I am always positive around my H. It is easier for me to treat him as a friend than a H. He talks/jokes about women sometimes and I have been better about not showing him my real reaction about it. I don't know what he wants to achieve by joking about it but i just go along with it. yesterday, I explained to him that he can try and get mad at me for no good reason but he doesnt need to anticipate my reaction because I dont want this to be a spiteful relationship. We still are intimate but after he went to get all the STD testing. I think he may be really confused. He is showing signs like slow_it_down 's H used to. I jokingly asked if he was bipolar and he said could be. He gets mad at me for no reason and then he is fine the next day. He tells me that i seem hopeful that the M will work out , and doesnt want to give me false hopes . I told him regardless of what we do, I know it wont change his mind on D and he doesnt need to worry. But then he says he doesnt want to be friends and just wants to talk about the baby, thats all. But, next day, he will say something else so we can see each other agai. I've noticed the pattern and I am hoping he will see that he needs professional help.

But, really, I think he himself is confused if the reasons he wants a divorce is valid and thats why he is trying to get some sort of negative reaction to his comments. But, I am way past that.
I havent had the chance to start working out but I am starting soon. As far as how ive been workin gon myself is by setting my mindframe right. Anything can happen, I just need to get my life together. Things he says doesnt bother me as much or make me cry as it used to... i just try not to believe anything he says, i spend a lot of time with the baby so i dont miss out on her milestones.


Me:27 H:26
T:3 M:1.5
D 6 months
D bomb: 6/21/14
I Moved out 9/7/14
hope224 #2497914 10/17/14 05:25 PM
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 44
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Just writing a journal post on here. Last night, we went to H's apt to spend time with him, he insisted and cooked dinner. He missed us, i guess. We were just talking and he told me that his best friend's mom tried to set him up with her sister with the comments, " you should date her, she looks just like me and is very active goes to gym and crossfit, just like you, you guys would be perfect together" Thoughts that went through my head but didnt say:
1) wow, this mother of his bestie has some wild fascination for him. She had adviced my H that he should not marry me since I am his first gf, and people dont marry their 1st. She has been around him since he was really little but I dont know why she has such special interest in him. H is just her son's friend. She, along with her daughter and sons were supportive of H when he announced to them he was not happy with me or the marriage. They told him that he should do what makes him happy and it will hurt for a while but he will be fine and so will the baby. I wanted to say so many things but surprisingy i kept shut and didnt let the news affect my mood last night.
2) Another thought was how could she push him already when he isnt even divorced yet. So disgusting fake people.Note: She was having an affair with a married man and got preg with his baby which is why they got married. prior, she had 3 kids with 2 different men. the history just does not paint a good pic with her morals.
3) I wondered why husband told me that info. But, I rmb in the past few months when he told me little news about girls, I would get upset and it showed in my face and affected my mood then he would just shut down. This time though, I was able to still be upbeat and jokingly told him he probably should date her but he needs to rmb she looks just like the sister, have fun being intimate. lol. some fetish she has i guess, i told him.He didnt seem that interested though. I know in the past he would tell me things like that if he found it weird so i guess its a good thing. But, Oh makes me mad when he interacts with that family. He thinks they are family ..but i am just being patient letting nature run its course till things fizzle out with them because H doesnt really like them in the first place but he thinks he does because they have been oh so supportive for him to be divorced because it seems like noone in their family liked me to begin with. But, hopefully my H still has his brain.

I just had to rant since I cant talk about it with anyone. H and i have been getting along well. He actually has been kissing me when he sees me and baby too. He isnt going publicly affectionate yet but im still waiting...but moving on too. It does not matter to me if he is with me or without. Either ways, I feel very positive about my own future. He still does not want people tagging pics of us on fb but privately he has been nicer, he has learned to sort of control his mood disorder and short outburst of anger. He even told me last week that he was sorry for getting mad for no reason because usually he will say mean things and say im glad we arent going to be together, i wish i never met you. But , maybe my DB techniques are working because when i asked him if he just says that when he is mad, he said he does and that he actually doesnt hate me or anything....

I guess, I'll take that and be glad for it is definitely a progress. I used to see him in the middle of the week too but I think i am going to do a 180 and just spend weekends with him...He always wants baby and me to watch football with him and spend weekends with him.. While writing this, I just had a deja vu moment...may have dreamed this long time ago.. weird.

well sorry for the rant/ramble.


Me:27 H:26
T:3 M:1.5
D 6 months
D bomb: 6/21/14
I Moved out 9/7/14
hope224 #2497934 10/17/14 06:25 PM
Joined: Oct 2013
Posts: 180
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In reading your post I know that you mentioned trying some of Michele's methods, ie- 180. You do not seem sure of your success and yet, you do feel that your husband is responding positively. If you are not already speaking to a Divorce Busting Coach, I urge you to call one. Our coaches will help you process all your hard work and suggest the next steps necessary for continued break throughs. Call me to discuss our coaching program.
303-444-7004.


Roberta, Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004
Roberta@divorcebusting.com
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