Wife dropped the bomb; doing in house separation

[HopeTex]

Thanks so much 25yearsmic, appreciate your thoughts a great deal.

I am taking a good amount of our furniture with me, so not being a pushover there.

I am struggling with it, but what I need to do, and what I am slowly doing, is taking more ownership of the process and being more of a man about it. It is hard because I am still in a lot of shock and grief, and still some denial at times. But I am gradually regaining my strength and direction at least temporarily, and when I feel strong I try to make progressn taking control: opening my own bank account, choose an apartment, putting to get her a list of D items for us to discuss, etc.

I have had some realizations that I have been adrift for a while in certain parts of my life, basically just letting my wife handle things. Finances is one. Need to take back control of that, that will def be a 180.

[25yearsmlc]

Thanks so much 25yearsmic, appreciate your thoughts a great deal.

I am taking a good amount of our furniture with me, so not being a pushover there.

I am struggling with it, but what I need to do, and what I am slowly doing, is taking more ownership of the process and being more of a man about it. It is hard because I am still in a lot of shock and grief, and still some denial at times.

Understood....So, can you now see that regardless of HER course of action, these^^^ are things you need to do, anyway?

But I am gradually regaining my strength and direction at least temporarily, and when I feel strong I try to make progressn taking control: opening my own bank account, choose an apartment, putting to get her a list of D items for us to discuss, etc.

^^^all things a grown mature man does...not trying to insult you at all. Just hoping you can see that the areas for improvement are in some ways pretty clear. And they're beneficial to YOU, as well as others. Those are the changes we most want to make, i.e. ones that we benefit from AND that help us in all our r's. Make sense?

I have had some realizations that I have been adrift for a while in certain parts of my life, basically just letting my wife handle things. Finances is one. Need to take back control of that, that will def be a 180.

^^^well said. There are books on personal finance that can start you from where you are, i.e. beginner, intermediate, or advanced, Good advice about how to invest and not put all your eggs in one basket, etc. It'll be great for her to see that b/c as you know, ONE thing women find attractive in their spouses is "security" and by that they mean not just physical security (like their man can stop a 'bad guy' or open up a pickle jar') but also that their man can help keep a roof over their head and food on the table. It's part of being a good provider. The more she sees you handling money well, the more she'll ---well---"value" you. And that's not shallow of her when you think about it from a mothers point of view.

When we have children I think a biological event happens. We fear for them, and we fear that if WE, the mothers, are injured or cannot provide, we want to KNOW that our mates can take care of our children (not to mention take care of us if we are sick or injured) . I know several women who stay married BECAUSE their husbands are good providers for their children, and or good fathers.

Good luck!