I have known my wife for 12years. I'm from India and she is from south korea. We both were studying in Melbourne, Australia and during studies we became friends and I went after her to be my girl friend and wife. After 2 years living together in australia we were married in korea and went to live in India for 6months during 2005. My wife didn't like living there caz it curtailed her freedom of being who she was and also didn't like the weather. We had one big major argument and she was kicking and screaming and doing verbal abuse and I scared her by saying few things. That was the first and last physical abuse in our relationship. After few months she went back to korea and told me to go to Australia otherwise she will divorce me. I loved her very much and decided to emigrate to Melbourne in 2006. Since then for last 8 years we have been living in melbourne and we have 2 beautiful sons. My wife holds an advanced degree but doesn't like to work in IT. She said she likes working with kids. She did a certificate course in counselling but still didn't want to go to work saying that kids were too young. Our main issue in relationship was always money. She goes to shopping daily (grocery) and spends money. For few years when I was working as a contractor I didn't mind her spending and let her be. But once my eldest was supposed to start school from this year and I had gone to working has a permanent, the money that I was making was sufficient but not enough savings were being made. I tried talking her to sit down and do budgeting but it never happened and she started resenting me for asking her where the money was going. I tried to keep track of the spending since I was the one managing the finances and she started to resent even more. Behind my back she started speaking to church pastor and others and they told her that he is a controlling guy and bad for you. My wife after knowing this from the last year started to act differently and I couldn’t understand what was happening. I felt something was wrong but she was drifiting away and I couldn’t do anything. She had been telling all this to her mom and she came over in Feb 2014 and started interfering in the marriage and I lost my cool and told my wife I wanted to do marriage counselling, please send your mother back home or I will divorce. The went and saw a lawyer to show that I was serious and she went and cried to the pastor and through that guy she filed an intervention order citing family violence. Since then she has been seen by the social workers and they have made sure that I'm the bad guy in her relationship. I admit to my failure in lack of communication and verbal abuse even though she used to start the fights. I thought we were having an argument. Since the separation I have been attending Men's Behaviour Program for 3months and spoken to counsellor and being seeing psychologist. The intervention order is stopping me from interacting with her and she has put the kids in them as well. It's been approaching 5months and slowly through the family court I have the kids unsupervised with me for 3hours only every Saturday. My psychologist has told me that my wife has serious issues with in herself and it is better for me to be away from her. I know that he's being subjective since he has only heard my side of the story. Also the pastor, social workers have heard my wife's story and branded me an abusive and manipulative guy and my wife agrees with them and she is re-writing our time together as one where I was controlling, manipulative and abusive person. Only God can help us.
M 36 W 38 S1 6 S2 4 Married 8 years Together 12 Separated 3-Mar-2014 'Accused by wife of being a controlling and manipulative person. Blaming me for her life'
MrBond, I tried sending an email to the pastor who was acting as my wife's counsellor and admitted to my short comings but my wife mistook this as trying to get her back and manipulation on my part. I have been reading this forum for sometime and have been trying to do GAL. I have seen a psychologist and shared my views and the behaviour of my wife. She is acting like a Borderline Personality Disorder person. The symptoms are there, the way she interacts with her friends and then breaks up with them. Lots of issues which after I came to know about this condition fits her perfectly. I am not trying to pass the blame here. I have to control my anger and shouldn't be drawn into a fight with her. But right now she is in no mood to relent and she doesn't even know what she wants in terms of child custody. The lawyers and the professional workers think that she is like that because of abuse.
M 36 W 38 S1 6 S2 4 Married 8 years Together 12 Separated 3-Mar-2014 'Accused by wife of being a controlling and manipulative person. Blaming me for her life'
While exchanging kids this weekend, she came with her friend and we met in McDonalds. She just sent the kids in and left hurriedly. It's like she just doesn't want to face me. While we came out she was saying bye to the kids but I didn't look at her. It's approaching 5 months. During one of the court hearings I again proposed theureputic counselling but she declined. Maybe she is afraid of the truth...i don't know. So frustrating that all these 12years together means nothing to her.
M 36 W 38 S1 6 S2 4 Married 8 years Together 12 Separated 3-Mar-2014 'Accused by wife of being a controlling and manipulative person. Blaming me for her life'
