Ugh...a rough night's sleep (too cold and car alarms going off) and vague bad dreams make for particularly strong morning panic.
It would seem that I'm irrationally concerned about having to talk to H. on his birthday tomorrow and I'm no closer to having figured out if email, IM, or phone is the best option.
I fear this might be a theme for the day. Thoughts on the best way to actually get in touch with him (or 2 by 4s about how much I'm focused on this) are welcome.
M - 34 H - 36 Together 10 years Married 4 years BD - March, 2014
You're correct that I'm (again) putting a lot of significance on this one thing, coupled with a good bit of mindreading.
Notes to self:
Stop the focus on controlling every outcome.
Stop attributing make-it-or-break-it significance to every small thing.
Stop the mindreading.
This is a typical anxiety response for me. I get caught in something that causes me discomfort and I spin and spin it until it takes on a life of it's own. It's not productive.
M - 34 H - 36 Together 10 years Married 4 years BD - March, 2014
You've come a long way in only a couple of weeks. Pat yourself on the back.
I'd love to have a porch party with all you ladies. We could do zany trust exercises, group hugs, standing ovations, listen to the Glenn Miller Orchestra or Pink Martini and toast one another with chilled beverages.
First round: Cheers to a strong PMA!!!
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
You're correct that I'm (again) putting a lot of significance on this one thing, coupled with a good bit of mindreading.
Notes to self:
Stop the focus on controlling every outcome.
Stop attributing make-it-or-break-it significance to every small thing.
Stop the mindreading.
This is a typical anxiety response for me. I get caught in something that causes me discomfort and I spin and spin it until it takes on a life of it's own. It's not productive.
This is so GOOD. The first step is being able to look inward and getting to know your responses.
Another good step is not labeling yourself as anything because of those responses. No judgment.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Thanks, Maybell - it's still so, so easy to fall into the freakouts and difficult to see any progress. If nothing else, though, I think I've been better about thinking through what I should be doing, checking in here, and actually engaging H. differently, even if I'm regularly freaking out on the inside and on here. This forum has been a lifesaver.
Okay, a porch party would be awesome. I actually found myself wondering the other day what a gathering of people in this situation would look like, and it was kind of fantastic. The only thing I'd add is a big bonfire at the end of the night where we can burn wishes and resentments on little pieces of paper. And maybe roast marshmallows.
M - 34 H - 36 Together 10 years Married 4 years BD - March, 2014
I, too, wonder what a gathering of people would look like! I walk through the mall, down the street, into church, around school and I wonder, "Who else has been through this or is going through this??"
I feel like the only one, but then I come here and I know I'm not the only one. It's just such a weird little invisible club!
Thanks, labug - I think I'm getting better about recognizing when I'm thinking in problematic ways, I'm just not always so good at figuring out how to get out of the cycle when I'm in it.
That should probably be the next step.
No judgment is a bit difficult. I think the freak outs often leave me judging myself as crazy, obsessive, and broken, but I think I'm moving away from that both in terms of my marriage situation and in terms of my life in general.
Happily, this is a big 180 for me, and one that I'm sure will have great benefits. I have a new anxiety program that I'm just starting with my IC, but I like it so far.
M - 34 H - 36 Together 10 years Married 4 years BD - March, 2014
MLP, I've felt like the only one, too. Very few people that I know have been through anything like this. It's such a relief to be able to come here and to know that there are people going through similar things and having similar responses.
M - 34 H - 36 Together 10 years Married 4 years BD - March, 2014
