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Joined: Oct 2013
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Hi Dawgy,

MLP is giving you good advice. It is really difficult to accept that you cannot control what the WAS does, but you have to accept it. Setting boundaries are good, but boundaries should be for your/your children's protection and not as a means to control the WAS. That will only drive them further away. Been there, done that!

I know how hard it is to watch your WAS leave to see the OP. Been there, done that, too. But you can't let them know it gets under your skin. That will only make the OP look more attractive and you less desirable.

In your shoes, I would tell her I was going away to spend my free night without kids with a relative or same-sex friend(s) and would see her the next day. Then I'd do it - turn the tables on her in a safe way (no OP involved). And if I didn't have a relative or friend to visit, I'd check into a hotel and find something enjoyable to do with my free time. It would probably be a long sleepless night, but at least I wouldn't be letting her see how distraught I was. That's not necessarily for everyone's sitch ... but, just a thought.

Listen to MLP. She's giving you good advice.


Me: 59 and holding
H: :53
Me: 1 S, 1 D, both grown
M: 19
T: 23
BD: 9-23-2013
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 309
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dawgy Offline OP
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2times I had the exact same thoughts . Could go spend the night with my mom but she would be suspicious of something wrong , so I thought about hotel and some relaxation for myself time . But it would be brutal if i cant get her out of my mind .


Me 45 W 45
Son 16 Son 14
Married 23 together 27
W threatened sep several times
W still at home
A discovered Mar 17 2014
A ended DEC 2 ( skeptical )
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 309
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dawgy Offline OP
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Posts: 309
Sandi I agree with you to a point . Im not focused on sex or other women but the lonliness is soooooo brutal it scares me . I dont want to sleep with another woman . I want my wife but she doesnt want me right now and it hurts immensly . Im trying really hard to restrain myself .Ive put myself in a couple of situations while GAL and it led to women wanting to be with me and talk to me . And the temptation would not be there if my wife loved me and was shoewing me affection . Just to have a woman to hug me is such a comforting feeling . im sorry if i seem shallow or weak , but im really trying to restrain


Me 45 W 45
Son 16 Son 14
Married 23 together 27
W threatened sep several times
W still at home
A discovered Mar 17 2014
A ended DEC 2 ( skeptical )
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 924
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Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 924
I have a feeling that is the draw of having an affair. Right now she is getting the affection and touch she needs, and why would she give that up? She seems to have the best of everything and you are the only one losing. I feel the same way.

I just try to remove those feelings, try to realize that this is not the person she wants to be and know she is hurting too (even though the affection she is getting is carrying her through).

Sex, for me, is for a good relationship. I try to remove all desires until that is back. It is very difficult.


Me-45 W-44
S21, S18, D15
T-27, M-21
BD Jan 2014
PA revealed March 2014
In-house separation - April 2015
I filed - Aug 2015
She moved out Oct 2015
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