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Hi Sandi,

This is some powerful stuff about women you're letting out here. No complaints. Just saying...

Do you have any insights for us women about WAH? Please visit my thread and spread your fairy magic.

Oad, I apologize for the hijack. I suppose it lies upon you to determine which (WAW or WW) your W is. Like Sandi says if she's a WW she will be in complete rebellion. And, our friendliness are tests of your will power to resist caving in. Are your W changes this drastic? IMO, I would rather deal with a WAW with possible OM than a WW with possible OM. While the line may appear ambiguous to you and perhaps other LBH about the mindset between a WAW and WW, they are succinctly different. I think that WW are driven more by anger than just hurt. They've moved past all the the hurt and pain and have progressed into a another level--rage. JMHO. I've been there too.

Do you value yourself enough (if your W is a WW) to put your foot down and give some tough love? Even if it means losing her. Or, are you hiding behind a false sense of strength that she can topple you down by testing you with one night of passionate sex? It's dark and twisted but women are capable of such things. It's not because we enjoy it but because we feel we've been pushed that far and because we aren't in our right minds in this state.


M:33
H:37
T:6 years
M:3 years
ILYBNIWY:5-22-14

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Don't mean to hijack thread but I could use some advise. You people seem really smart. Could some of you visit my thread? Are there other techniques to changing your wifes behavior? My wife is emotionally abusive to me. Here is the short story: I left her last year and she begged me back. I went back home and endured another year of abused. I've moved out again. I'm at wits end. I don't engage her just endure the abuse. I think we are headed for divorce.

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IMO, if the WAW has OM (emotionally, physically, imagined, or on the prowl looking) it classifies her as a wayward......in most cases. I suppose there could be rare circumstances, IDK. B/c she either has such a degree of hostility/resentment that it quickly turns to rebellion at the point the OP came on the scene.....or the rebellious spirit was already in her heart before he showed up.

Depending on the individual stitch, the WAW could be in a state of vulnerability for an A. Not making excuses for her, just saying it can lay the foundation for bad decisions. And I will say that I can see where not every single case is necessarily born out of deep rebellion, but I believe it doesn't tend to happen when she is happy and has her EN fullfilled in her MR. However, I quickly add that I certainly have not read about every case in the world. I know of one stitch personally, where the WAW was a very sweet and mind person. She had been M for decades to a cold man who would not give her physcial love or emotional support. As far as I know, none of her EN were met by him in many years. She fell in love with a M man and they all divorced and the two of them M. Knowing her personally, I felt for her, and I could not see an outward show of a wild rebellious change in her lifestyle, attitude, etc. It didn't appear as openly obvious as with some WAW's. But she was scr@wing with a married man who had a family!! It destroyed two families. Was she considered a wayward wife? I did not see what went on behind closed doors with her H. All I knew was what she said about him, which was not good. Listening to her, one would think she deserved happiness. She deserved love. Doesn't everyone? But why that way? Was she wayward?

The resentment and self justification drives some WAW's to head toward a life without responsibilities and full of entitlement. Finding OP is part of acting out the rebellion. It may start with an EA, or may start with irrational behavior (crazy lifestyle) that leads to OP. A wayward doesn't have to have OP, but usually there is one to show up sooner or later.

The OP makes things more complicated b/c she is so emotionally confused. But the root of the problem is whatever led to her rebellious spirit.

Sorry, hope I'm not repeating myself. Just want to reply to your post. Thanks for your kind words, and I will try to catch up on your thread.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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Sandi - thanks for your wise words as always. They are always helpful in seeing both sides smile


M 31 H 34
S 6 S 9
BD 2/14 Piecing 8/14
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Sandi the confusing part to me is that I don't know if there is OM..she is always at home or at work, she really doesn't do rebellious things like a teen, just the im turning 40 thing..oh and divorcing me lol. today her dad wanted me to go to his work to talk, he tells me that he hates what is happening and that he KNOWS I was a good husband who sometimes was selfish but enough for divorce, he says he is sad that he is loosing a son. He also told me that he knows I love my W. He says that right now she only sees the bad and that she is putting up a front. Case in point, today when I went to the house to get my stuff she was acting like she was sooo happy, when I left I forgot something and came home and saw her on the phone crying. Then I noticed that she threw away all of our wedding albums and pictures of us...what the hell...I cant believe she would throw that away as if nothing. I just feel like I may need to move on and except it is over.


Me: 42
W: 39
D: 2 age 6 and 9
D-Day: Dec 29 13
Seperated: 3/20/14
Mediation retainer : 5/20/14
She filed: 06/25/14
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well today would have been our 13th anniversary, today im sad but im also gratefull for the 2 beautiful girls that my marriage produced. I am a very proud dad and I will hold my chin up!!!!


Me: 42
W: 39
D: 2 age 6 and 9
D-Day: Dec 29 13
Seperated: 3/20/14
Mediation retainer : 5/20/14
She filed: 06/25/14
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She may not be acting out in some wild lifestyle (go to bars without you, staying out all night, etc.). And that's good.

She obviously is having a very difficult time turning 40. Some have a harder time than others.

Quote:
Case in point, today when I went to the house to get my stuff she was acting like she was sooo happy, when I left I forgot something and came home and saw her on the phone crying. Then I noticed that she threw away all of our wedding albums and pictures of us...what the hell...I cant believe she would throw that away as if nothing


So you don't recognize this person, right? She could easily be caught up in an EA and you not know it. It may be MLC, IDK. It is something going on with her. So many WAW'S think they will find happiness by getting rid of the H. It takes time and hard knocks for them to discover that wasn't the answer.

Btw, get out of the house and find something to do today.





Last edited by sandi2; 07/27/14 04:12 PM.

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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sandi im going to my friends pool party, he is turning 40...go figure...but all my old friends will be there and they know its my anniversary today, so they told me to come on over and we are going to have fun, everytime I think of W I imeddietly turn my thoughts to my 2 little angels...like ice cube says "today was a good day!!!"

Hope your mom is doing better sandi...my thoughts and prayers for you!!


Me: 42
W: 39
D: 2 age 6 and 9
D-Day: Dec 29 13
Seperated: 3/20/14
Mediation retainer : 5/20/14
She filed: 06/25/14
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