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TL,

Glad you are doing so well. Love Credit Karma too!



3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
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Just checking in, a bit of journaling.
The ex called me Saturday out of the blue (touch and go maybe?)
He is on testosterone injections and has to go donate blood every month because his red blood cell count is too high. I took him to his first appointment back in January I think it was before he moved out. Anyway long story short he said that his last 2 blood donations came back as a possible positive for Hepatitis B. They screen all donations at the blood bank and then mail a letter out. He thought I should go get tested because he has not been with anyone else but me since 1996. There was no monstering and it was a civil conversation (considering the last time I heard from him he was texting me and emailing me horrible things and calling me names and blaming me for everything wrong in his life). Well I have not been with the man sexually since February and he screened negative at least 5 times since he moved out, so chances of me having it are sort of low I would think. That was 7 months ago. From what i've read on it, if you have Hep B you either get really sick or you don't have symptoms (neither of us have any of the symptoms) and it can clear out of your system completely in 6 months in most cases. Well I've not been with him in 7 so i'm not too concerned about it. He was going to the doctor to get a real test because the donation place was just one of those screening tests and doesn't necessarily mean anything, could be a false positive. I'm not sure if he called just to talk about it or if he genuinely thought I could have it or what. Not reading too much into it, just said ok i'll get tested and left it at that. I really thought I had heard from him for the last time. I can only assume he will holler at me again with his results (maybe) I don't know and I really don't care. A friend of mine told me they saw him in a local facebook group posting pics of his meet up with a bunch of 20-30 year olds at a restaurant. He's 56. I of course thought about it for a moment and just thought it was script to be doing that - but that's his life, none of my business and I don't really care to know what he's doing, that's why I blocked him on facebook a few months ago and I don't go on there much anyway. Honestly I don't know why I answered the phone when he called in the first place, usually I do not. I'm ready to let the past stay in the past and just know that I learned from it and move on. I'm toying with the idea of changing my last name too, I just want zero connection with the man.


Me - 42
exH - 56
Married 10.5 years
Together 17
bomb dropped 1/6/14
signed papers 2/4/14
H moved out 2/22/14
D final 4/4/14
Dropped the rope 5/17/14
2 cats, 2 dogs
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Hey TL

Please do go get tested just to be sure.

Otherwise, you are sounding very good my friend!


BD-Aug 2009
OW Confirmed
H moves out Dec 2009
D filed by H-Mar 2010
H asks to come home April 2011
BD AGAIN 1-15-2014! H seeing FOW!
H ran away again! 1-18-2014
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Great to hear from you TL! You're one of my idols! Sounds to me like your H let the testosterone go to his head! You're so much better now. Keep living large, TL!

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Yeah I will get tested to clear my mind of it. Thanks CW and Matt smile good to hear from you guys.

Here's a good description of boundaries - i had a hard time with this in the beginning, understanding what they were and how to implement them so this may help someone.

Boundaries are the invisible lines that we create in relationships that both keep us happy and prevent us from being taken advantage of by the other person. They are rules for behaviors that we deem acceptable, and ones we don’t.

By reinforcing our own boundaries and not crossing other people’s, we are able to have happier and more conflict-free relationships. Reinforcing our boundaries also serves to keep us from feeling resentful toward our partner and other people in our lives who occasionally do things we don’t like.

When our boundaries are violated by others, we may feel uncomfortable, angry, disrespected and generally unsatisfied with the relationship. If we have poorly defined boundaries of our own, we are likely to make other people feel these emotions through our actions. Additionally, poor boundaries demonstrate to other people that we have low self respect.

Poor boundaries usually come in two varieties. Either the person with poor boundaries gets walked all over, like a doormat in a bus station, or they walk all over the people in their lives, treating others in ways they won’t tolerate long term.

People with high self respect don’t usually fall into either category, since problems with either taking too much or too little responsibility for one’s own behavior are often symptoms of low self esteem.

The middle ground, speaking up for yourself when someone crosses the line, while maintaining appropriate control over your own behaviors shows a high level of self respect.

Healthy boundaries involve managing and taking responsibility your own thoughts, feelings and actions while respecting the separate thoughts, feelings and actions of others.

Imagine yourself in these two situations, making the statements below.

Healthy boundary statements:

“I really want to help, but unfortunately, today I won’t be able to pick up your dry cleaning, since I’m just too busy today.”

“Since you cheated on me, we must get a divorce.”

Unhealthy boundary statements:

“Um.. I GUESS I’ll pick up your dry cleaning, but I’m so busy.”

“I’m really hurt, but I must have been a bad partner since you cheated on me. How did I fail you?”

How do you feel when you think about these sets of statements?

In the dry cleaning example:

The healthy boundary statement honors the fact that you are simply too busy to pick up your partner’s dry cleaning but still points out that you want to help your partner as a whole.

In the unhealthy boundary statement, promising to pick up the dry cleaning even though you are too busy can lead to serious resentment over time. The nonverbal cues behind the statement show your reluctance to complete the task, even though your words say that you’ll do it. With unhealthy boundaries, you are likely to go away from this situation angry that you took on more responsibility than you could handle, and potentially resent your partner for requesting it.

In the cheating example:

The healthy boundary statement clearly explains the reason that you are leaving the relationship. The other person cheated on you and saying you are leaving the relationship as a result shares the consequences.

The second statement places the blame on yourself for your partner’s actions— their infidelity. In the unhealthy example you are taking personal responsibility for the cheating even though your partner was the one who went outside of your relationship.
5 Things You Can Do Right Now To Strengthen Your Boundaries:

1. Detach Yourself From Other People’s Problems

2. Refuse to take responsibility (either inwardly or outwardly) for other people’s problems.

3. Take responsibility for your own problems and find solutions for them.

4. If you’re unhappy in your relationships, speak up. Aim to work out problems with your partner while taking responsibility for your part in the problem; no more, no less.

5. Don’t allow yourself to be guilt-tripped into feeling bad for things that weren’t your fault. When someone dishes out a guilt-trip, call them out on it.

written by Elizabeth Stone
"Mending Fences: How to Have Stronger Boundaries"


Me - 42
exH - 56
Married 10.5 years
Together 17
bomb dropped 1/6/14
signed papers 2/4/14
H moved out 2/22/14
D final 4/4/14
Dropped the rope 5/17/14
2 cats, 2 dogs
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 82
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This is awesome TL. Understanding and setting boundaries has been very hard for me also. Thanks for posting!


BD-Aug 2009
OW Confirmed
H moves out Dec 2009
D filed by H-Mar 2010
H asks to come home April 2011
BD AGAIN 1-15-2014! H seeing FOW!
H ran away again! 1-18-2014
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