Hi all - "was never in love"

[Ggrass]

It's 8pm here! Not sure your zone.

[Mat]

Hmmm this may end in tears but for now it's interesting. I text back "I have something until three, free after that. What do you have in mind, food, coffee?"

Then she goes "Let's jut grab a drink somewhere. Let me know what time & where. Don't have much going on so can b anywhere whenever."

They tell us not to mind read, for obvious reasons. But you know what the problem is? It's so much FUN

I hope that she's doing all right, but if she's a bit blue it'll be a chance to showcase my new validating, caring self.

[Mat]

Ah I am in the UK. that's why I was worried it was middle of the night for most of the supportive regulars!

Will start a new thread...

[Mat]

To be con'd

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2475392&#Post2475392

[25yearsmlc]

Thanks you guys! I am pumped no matter what. If she brings up D logistics I'll be responsive but not too much.

The scary thing is; our separation wasn't nasty. That's what makes me think she may be detached. \

TRUST ME on this---having a nasty separation is NOT better than a "restrained" one. (I won't say yours was "friendly" b/c I doubt those actually exist.) But yes, yours was relatively 'drama free'. That IS MUCH better than the alternative.

But I can't do anything about that. I can only review my 180s.

Thanks a lot you guys. Are you in my time zone?

Mat, you sure are a quick study! However, I think you are assuming too much, too negatively, and too soon.

I was at this for over 2 years, and gave my m a "10% chance of working out" to my sisters at the time. I meant that too.

But hey, here we are. Check my timeline below in my signature.

Plus I had a wonderful DB coach and a great pro marriage counselor, who were very helpful.

I AM interested in YOUR take on the m. You sound as if you agree with most of what your w says about how you two lacked passion and romance, and that in effect you were/are like "friends."

If that is true, is that what you wanted THEN? What do YOU want now?

How do YOU think you could get there, with her? (Assume she wants to try, for the sake of discussion).

What would YOU Do differently with her? And with yourself?

How would YOU behave differently and how would you treat her differently?

Get at least a few details in your head clarified to know what it would look like.

Hang in there, I need to read the rest of your thread. But it is certainly too soon to quit. Really.

But sure, You can fake acceptance of the situation ("respecting her wishes")

but don't discount the chance that she would like you to fight for her. Craving passion is not a bad thing, per se.

Meanwhile, watch some TED TALK videos. They are on youtube. One is by Amy Cuddy on "Faking it til you Become it" and Shawn Achor on Positive Psychology". They are each about 20 min long and entertaining. But there is ample empirical evidence supporting their theses, so DO watch them and see what you glean from them to help you.

It's tough stuff but it's so worth it and they lay out the path.

More later...