Scooby, Keep the focus on you and your children. You will find that thinking about your h and what he's doing will consume you and your day and leave little time for pleasant activities. I know you are concerned about him and his actions, but no one knows what he's going to do or say and guess what...neither does he at any given minute. Emotions run high for him and let's face it, people who are running on pure emotions doesn't think logically.
Enjoy your day w/your kids.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Sorry I have not been posting much. I am really struggling lately. I have such anger, which I am never mad. H still says ow is friend. He spent $6000 again this week for his situation. When he finally can divorce me, we probably won't have the $$$$. I was doing better at detaching but now I am back to square one.
I am tempted to break the secret of the affair at work. One conversation and it would be done. No one would know it is me. They are making a case to fire h anyhow. What stops me, is I feel like if I do something to bring it out, it won't benefit me. Knowing my luck it would push them closer. I still think of it often.
I still question if h is having mlc. In his 29s he completely changed for a girl he really liked. What if he is changing BC he knows what ow wants? H does have mlc behaviors, but that fits with ow lifestyle too. I guess time will tell. I don't think ow has staying power. She has a lot of skeletons in her closet that h is unaware of.
One of my friends asked me recently why I was with h, as they think he is a bottom feeder. This was a difficult question to answer. I love what he is not anymore. I don't know if I love the new person BC h won't let me near him. I am guessing I would love that person too, but ow would have to go away. I don't believe in divorce, h didn't either but I guess he changed his mind, as all I hear is I want a divorce when situation is over. Why would he wait to divorce me? We also have kids together and that sometimes is what keeps me here.
So lately what I have decided to is let myself come out. I am nice to h. Most times I let him start conversation. I tried dark or dim which is impossible in same house with small kids. H feels like I abandoned him, so I am not going to do that again. I am upping the gal with kiddos. I can't avoid phone calls BC twice I said don't call and authorities have been at my doorstep to make sure we are ok. Both times they asked if h was mentally stable. H went straight to paranoia. It is thought that he is undiagnosed bipolar, h quit ic before therapist could diagnose. H does not monster much BC I watch what I say and do. I figure the best option is to be nice and his friend eventually his ow will not be nice and start to nag. Any advice? Ideas?
Scooby, your thread is going to get locked. Time for a new one. ;-)
He spent $6,000 in ONE WEEK???? I know you're hurting and scared, but you NEED to face this spending issue. In about a million different ways, you've been saying it's time to get some legal help.
Instead of beating around the bush...get to an attorney Scooby or just file for a temporary order of support at the local child support enforcement agency...it's free.
If you need us to walk you through it, we can all help. I ignored this advice and it led to more pain down the road for me AND the kids.
NO divorce/filing, nada...just protect yourself financially. There's a lot you can do. You are not powerless.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Scooby, Have you considered taking a bit of cash out of the account to start a nest egg for you and the kids? $6,000 is quite a bit of money to be spending in one week.
Don't be afraid to do what you need to do in order to protect your assets and your kids. Start by contacting a lawyer and finding out what you need to do before all of the money is gone and you and the kids are left w/nothing.
Don't put this off another day. Monday morning, first thing, search for a lawyer and make an appointment w/one that has a free consultation.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
