Hang in there. I went through 1st D when my boys were the same age as yours. It's comforting to me to know that other DBing S feel peace when the other S is away from the home. After 21 years I got married again and he left me in January. I feel this peaceful way and it confirms that going dark is good for me. When children are involved I feel for you and others. Good for you to feel peace. Keep it going.
It has been almost three weeks and still no response from H to my email. He has promised to respond, but said that he just needs time. I am just living my life and soaking in the fun with the kids. My birthday is next Tuesday and then I head to the beach with my boys for a full week next Saturday. We cannot wait. The boys are so excited and I cant wait to get out of town and go a whole week without having to deal with H, custody schedules, etc.
I told my IC that I will give my H until July to respond. That will be six weeks. If he does not respond or if does not want to make a change, then I am going to make an appointment with the child psychologist and get a written parenting agreement in place. I want the schedule set and in writing before the kids start school. I am TIRED of having weekly discussions about the schedule with the kids.
We also need to talk to the kids if things are not going to change. Last night S5 said "I am sad. Why cant you and daddy be home at the same time? Why cant I cuddle in bed with you both in the morning? Why cant we all eat dinner together? I love you and daddy. Why cant we do that?" I reassured him that we both loved him. Crushed my heart though
While he is still selfish, H is no longer an alien. He is capable of clearly thinking about what he wants. July will be one year since BD. If he does not want to try, then I am done. I am ready to finalize this part of my life and fully move forward.
In the meantime, I am going to enjoy every moment of this beautiful weather. Plan a ton of fun things with the kids and friends. I lost all of last summer being emotionally abused by my H. That will not happen again. I deserve so much more.
