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Originally Posted By: KGirl
Ugh, I have that same feeling. I don't know if I could handle him being with someone else physically. I wouldn't want to hear about it or know about it and I'd kind of have to if we were still friends, right? Given when you started dating perhaps you have the same situation but...my H and I started dating when we were 17 so we were each other's only physical partners, and in my current frame of mind, if he were to be w/ someone else and then want to get back together, I would feel so crushed - that status that we had would now be gone forever. I don't know that I could get back together with him without wondering about that/having that image pop into my head. That same thing that is so valuable to me, is part of why my H wants out - he doesn't feel like he's experienced what's all "out there" and feels like he hasn't really lived his life by only being with one person (nevermind the other times he thought that's what he wanted, we broke up, he didn't date anyone else, and then decided I was really what he wanted..?!) I guess that's something I'll have to get over when or if we D, 'cause I probably won't want to be spending the rest of my life celibate...


We were not each other's only physical partners. My H has A LOT more experience than I do. Honestly, it isn't something that has ever bothered me because it was in the past, before we were together. Because we promised to be each other's only partners from the point of M forward, I still can't stand the idea of him being with someone else. Oh, and the thought of me being with someone else? Terrifying. But, you're right. I have no intentions of being celibate for the rest of my life, so I guess I'll have to figure it out.

Originally Posted By: KGirl
It's funny - my H has also said he has never wanted to be like his dad, but yet here we are in a not so different situation. His dad was emotionally unavailable, just went to work, came home, and watched TV, and justified not being there for his wife and kids because he brought home a paycheck. H's mom has told me about how she had wanted to D him early on when the kids were young but her pastor said that God had a plan for them and to stick with it, and she wished she hadn't listened. He was not a nice person and just avoided talking about difficult issues. H's logic is that he doesn't want to end up in a loveless marriage like his parents, so he wants to get out now because he thinks that will happen to us, too... what I see that I guess he doesn't is that his dad never made an effort to change that dynamic, and if there was an effort, it doesn't have to end up like that. But, not much to do about that now.


What is with these guys? My H doesn't see himself as being like his dad at all. It's so clear to me that he is though. Maybe he'll figure his stuff out and not turn out the same way. For my D7's sake, I really, really hope so.

So, H called me tonight to ask if I was completely opposed to having my sister do some of the D paperwork. I couldn't say a lot because D7 was in the car with me. I am completely opposed to having my sister file the petition for D. He wants to have her do it because it is going to be a lot of research for him and a lot of work. He seemed irritated that I wouldn't agree to ask her to do it. I will ask her to draft the divorce decree, but the petition is a different story for me. I talked to her about it later and she said that she absolutely would not file the petition, even if I asked her to do it. She also said that it is really easy and straightforward so she's not sure why he thinks it is complicated.

During our conversation, H said that he has already been researching and the filing fee is only $250 and he's going to start working on the paperwork next week. He's not sure how long it will take him. He did not seem thrilled with the idea of waiting until my D7 was 8 before finalizing. I didn't ask him to wait to file. I just asked him to keep me apprised of the time frame so that I wasn't blindsided. Still, he seemed very frustrated that I would even ask about waiting to finalize. It would really only be 2-3 months later. I can't un-ask it and it would mean a lot to me if he would do it. I guess now I just don't ask again and see what he does.

On another note, I'm still very hesitant to tell people about the S and now impending D. I'm embarrassed about it. I also think I would be embarrassed about getting back together after a D. I'm not sure what to do about either of those things.

Any other thoughts on friendship? Am I still at a place where I should accept some invitations to do things with my H, but not all? I really, truly do miss his company and don't want to lose him in my life.

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Time for a new thread:

hope456 - accepting my new reality

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