Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 11 of 11 1 2 9 10 11
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 284
H
Member
Offline
Member
H
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 284
These recent posts are exactly what I needed to see right now as they are so applicable to my sitch as well.

25 - Because you've spoken so highly of Retrovaille on several threads, I'd like to ask you to take a look at my thread. I want to ask a question, but don't want to hijack Jenn's thread too much.

Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 830
W
Member
Offline
Member
W
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 830
I too needed to hear this. THANK YOU


M48 H50
M21 T26
S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old
PA confirmed 7/2012
H separates 9/2012
H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY
OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676
My H and I are are reconciled and our M is a work in progress, always will be. It's great right now, we love each other and are having lots of fun. My sons were older than 25's (I think) when H left and while I know they were affected, they all seem to have worked it out. At least for now, tomorrow could be very different.

Nothing in life is static, nor should it be. That's where we get into trouble, expecting things to always be the way we want them to be. We control because the unknown scares the crap out of us.

It's all unknown and when we accept that, and believe that we can handle whatever comes our way, life gets so much better.

When I'm in my dotage and I look back on my life, having my M come back together will be a small accomplishment. Finding me in that process will be the crowning achievement. My H could leave tomorrow but I will still have me.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 626
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 626
Bug - amazing as always. I'm very happy for you!


M 46
H 44
D 12 S 8
M 9 T 11
BD 2/15/13
"Makes sense to stay together" 5/12/13
Agree we are 'healing' 7/13
Definitely Piecing 9/13
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676
lth, thanks. It's been a long journey and I'm grateful for what I've learned daily.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 455
U
Member
Offline
Member
U
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 455
Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc
I love my h and he loves me. But we and our m, are always a work in progress. I'm at peace with that, btw.


Originally Posted By: labug
My H and I are are reconciled and our M is a work in progress, always will be.


This is something valuable I've taken from this experience, relationships are always work in progress & when we become lazy and comfortable that's when problems begin to arise - I took for granted the fact that my H would always be by my side & that's something I really regret looking back.

So happy for you both smile I hope to be where you are one day!


Divorce Final: Oct 2014

Your struggles today, develop strength for tomorrow...
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,428
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,428
^^^^ ditto. Definitely took my H and R for granted. I felt like I had already done the work-- finding someone to marry!-- and that everything would just be smooth sailing after that. Oops. Certainly won't make that mistake again.


Me 38 H 40
D 3
T 8 M 6
BD 10/2013

Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 128
J
JennD Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
J
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 128
H was here last night. Zero R talk and had decent conversations about normal stuff. Felt good to be light.

Saw my IC 2 days ago and was a very good session. She was impressed by my new insights about me, my interactions with H and issues in M. We talked alot about how my control issues, anger and self-esteem are very interlaced and connected. I feel very good about the progress and understanding I'm fining. (I guess those million of self-help books I've bought in the last 3 months are finally paying off!)

I'm pleased to say that in IC, I am finally able to focus on me and my issues that need attention. Previously, it was mostly all about R and H and what interactions we'd had. Slowly bit by bit, my focus has shifted to somewhere where it will do some good - on to me!

Thanks for all the advise and comments above. I have read and re-read them several time in the last day or two. And I am spending time internalizing the ideas.

The book I;m reading about shame about Brene Brown talks about how to become resiliant to shame and how surrounding yourself with people with empathy and understanding help to remove the sting of shame.

And isolating yourself and not talking about it, helps the shame to fester and grow.

This DB board is great for empathy and compassion as well as the occasional kick in the pants! Family and friends don't always understand why we are still standing for our marriages, so its nice to know we can come to a place (even if it is virtual) to open our hearts and say what is on our chest and hear that we are not alone.

So thanks to DB for having this board and to those who read and comment.

(Feeling very thankful today!)


M:41
H:38
D:6
D:3
M:11 yrs
T:15 yrs
Bomb: Feb 8/14
Seperated: Feb 12/14

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." Plato
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 128
J
JennD Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
J
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 128
And I know I have more work to do - by no means, am I finshed working on me - but feeling like I'm understanding my responsibility in all this.

And I'm understanding where my actions are coming from and the impact my behaviour has on those around me - H and our children included. Having what Oprah would call an "aha moment".

H called to say good night to the girls tonight. Found it very strange (and sad) to end our call with wishing him a good weekend. Not back in my pity party mode, but struck me as very aukward and weird - I was party of his weekends for the past 15 years....


M:41
H:38
D:6
D:3
M:11 yrs
T:15 yrs
Bomb: Feb 8/14
Seperated: Feb 12/14

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." Plato
Page 11 of 11 1 2 9 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard