"I didn't use the word "bait" in wrong context. I used to think it was something else. I fully know how to use it now."
The fact is that you associated my name to your usage of it and in the context that I was using it at the time is now wrong. Don't use my name if you continue to insist to using it wrongly. In fact, I'm not the only one who said he wasn't baiting you.
You really do only want to hear what you want to hear. In fact, all the advice that gabby, job, starsky and others is the exact same as before and you keep asking the same questions. I really don't get how you don't see that. You don't need to apologize or constantly say that we are wrong because you have changed, etc. The thing is that you haven't. Seriously, do you really try to understand what people write to you? I mean the minute you get a reply, you automatically respond back in a few seconds. That's not enough time to digest what people are taking their time explaining to you. I comes off as being rude sometimes.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
oh dear... I am answering because I am online for the next little bit.
I think there is some sort of miscommunication. Bond, I was crediting you for the word "bait". How I used it was my own fault. Not anyone elses.... I give you credit, because I like how it resonates for me. I am not associating my "wrongness of meaning" to you. Sorry, if it implies that.
Im not sure what you are speaking of...I have not said anyone was wrong (or at least I hope they dont feel that way)...I am not asking anyone any questions. I finally know MY OWN ANSWER ... to act on how I AM FEELING... to CARE about MY feeling here.... not to focus on how it makes him feel. I "see/feel/know" how "coffee time" makes ME feel. And, I should pay attention to that! I feel that I layed it all on line the other day & it wasn't taken seriously or appreciated. <<< This is a turn off. I want to be wtih someone who appreciates the hard efforts and the forecasted attempt to make it work.... since, he doesn't. Its his loss. (without attitude). I feel sorry that he cannot SEE what he has right infront of him. If he is prepared to really lose that for good...its HIS LOSS. I deserve better.
I will digest as you recommend...good idea.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
>>>>>>>>>>> snide remark: "I stated that I was reading it because knowing that I own a car, does not make me a mechanic."
MM, you ask us why others have gotten different advice from you, or why they've gotten the results you havent.
and your lengthy response above is the reason.
you ask for help and then nit-pick over our comments to prove we're wrong or we dont understand, etc.
the problem is, we get it. we see it clearly.
instead of soul-searching and working on yourself, you choose to respond that we're wrong, and then spend your day obsessing about him and what he's doing and if he's irritable. you have proven time and time again you have no existance outside of him, you cannot post 2 comments in a row that isnt all about him.
i guarantee you that you will make no real progress until you finally grasp that none of this has anything to do with him.
the problem with your relationship is you.
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
I have come to realize that if he cannot appreciate what he has staring RIGHT infront of him (prepared to do the work, etc), that its truly his loss. He doesnt take me seriously &/or appreciate the guesture to get it right with me. Prior to today, I was taking it personally. Now I get it....its HIM!
The work I need to do... is ME!!! I value myself more than to not be taken seriously or appreciated. Meanwhile, I need to care for me right now.
anyway, that wasn't a snide remark. It comes straight out of the book I am reading. It was not received by him as snide either. Sorry, that you saw it that way.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Gabby.... you were not there... it was NOT a snide remark... I guess being there in person would do it better justice. It was part of our conversation.
I cannot explain it.
If he felt it was snide, he was quite prepared and in the mood to battle it out.. He would not hold back. I do still know him better than anyone (HE SAID, again yesterday)
I am not going to make this thread about THAT comment.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I know what I am feeling today.
I understand taht you are all trying to help. I thank you all for it. Please see this as a new beginning. Have an open mind.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
