I agree with artsy. Don't let her know that you are reading the book, but you can still start using her LL. My H's LL is words of affirmation, so I've been able to make sure that I use affirming comments (complimenting the dinner he made, thanking him for help in the yard, telling him I'm proud of how he handled something with D7), which is also a 180 for me.
Once you've figured out her LL, others on the board can probably give you some ideas on how start using it with your DBing.
Also, do not talk about your R at all if you can help it. If your W brings it, listen and validate ONLY. No justification, no trying to explain why you did what you did, behaved a certain way, etc. Just "that must have been hard for you, I'm sorry I made you feel that way" and things along that line.
M 46 H 44 D 12 S 8 M 9 T 11 BD 2/15/13 "Makes sense to stay together" 5/12/13 Agree we are 'healing' 7/13 Definitely Piecing 9/13
