Text W last night saying I'd like to have the kids on Father's Day. She just responded asking if I'd like to do family dinner on Sunday for S14's bday. Just like D10's bday dinner last month, I'm not sure how I feel about it. On one hand, I've told W that I'm not playing family while she is in contact with OM (which I have no way of knowing), but on the other hand, does it come across as 'punishing' S14 for W's decisions?
Tarheel, I understand the feeling of wanting things to progress and having a soft timeline as to when you will be done. I did this too and those of us who have all have felt the disappointment of the timeline being passed without any action.
You talk about you working on yourself but wonder if your wife has don't the same for the last 8 months. My only recommendation is to treat her like she has broken bones. You cannot see them healing and it is unfair to expect her to be back running full speed after 8 months. These wounds are still open and sore and putting pressure on her is like walking on a broken leg, the pressure hurts the wound you thought was healed. Let her have her time for rehabilitation and help her out with her "physical therapy" by giving her space and time for it.
I know how frustrating living by your spouse's timeline can be, but keep GAL and doing your work. Good job canceling your meeting to discuss the list.
M:34 XW:34 Together: 10y Living: 9y Married: 7y Son:6 Son:4 Separated: 12/28/13 Piecing: 5/2/14 Separated 2nd: 10/16/14 W filed, but pulled it: 11/5/14 papers served: 1/27/15 D final: 3/6/15
I'd say to W, "I prefer to have the kids with me on Father's Day. We can celebrate S14's BD on a different day."
It's Sunday as well, so I understand her wanting to see him that day. Regardless of the day, she wants to have dinner as a family because that's what we've always done with the kids bdays. I voiced my trepidation to her for D10's bday dinner last month, but went ahead with it, although we didn't interact much at dinner and it was just awkward. I straddle the line of staying firm to my 'we're not family right now' (not knowing if OM is still in the picture or not) vs going and showing her the new and improved Tarheel. I can't help mind reading and wondering if she's testing the waters to see how her and I interact???
This is not the time to be the one enforcing boundaries when it comes to S14's birthday. It is just one of those rare moments when you'll just have to be the bigger man and realize that his parents do need to come together to celebrate his birthday because IT IS ALL ABOUT HIM.
One idea is to say to W that you want the kids over for Father's Day alone with you as the Dad then the four of you can meet W somewhere for dinner to celebrate S14's BD. Out to a restaurant? This way, it will show W that you're still not playing "happy families" in your own home or her place while she's involved with the OM.
I am sure Sandi and others may have some suggestions....
^^^ I like this idea. "We'll meet you at x time at x restaurant". Be the spouse only a fool would walk away from-- the one who is a mature grownup who will put his son's needs above his own discomfort or pride. Your kids will respect you for that, too.
