I'm with Kat and BA. I have *all* my wedding photos and memorabilia. They are stored in a plastic bin, and I don't think about them much anymore. However, my D20's guilty pleasure is Say Yes to the Dress. A few weeks ago, she asked me to haul them out and asked if I still had my wedding dress (yes). We kept the dress in the sealed and preserved container, and she oohed and ahhhed over it. And then she had me look through all the photo albums. They no longer make me sad. In fact, they make me happy.
I shared a really good life with that man, who adored me and I him. We were young and good looking and the happiness jumped out of the photos. Not only do I think that, but our daughter commented on how awesome we looked. And it gave me the chance to go back and see all the people who came. Some have since died and it brought smiles to my face. So I'm really and truly happy I kept all of them. There is something about keeping a physical record of stuff? At least for me. That way I can't rewrite the past into something that wasn't truthful.
It's been almost 12 years since he moved out, so I've had the benefit of time and space to process all of this stuff. Give yourself time.
And BTW, I still have my wedding ring. I LOVE that ring. It's in a safe deposit box because it's worth a fortune. But when I go to it (once a year or so), I haul it out, put it back on my ring finger, admire the hell out of it and smile. And every time I come to the conclusion that it's still the most beautiful thing I've ever owned and it meant the world to me. Until I know what to do with it, it stays put where it's safe. It might find itself repurposed when my D20 gets married...
So give yourself time and space and process what you feel because it's real.
Hugs,
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
I will continue to remind myself to be patient. I know my heart is healing. My diversary was yesterday and it phased me in only positive ways.
I'm such a different person now. I remember in the beginning of the BD how hard it was for me to see the silver lining in things. It felt almost impossible to shed the negativity cloak that was strangling me.
Now it's very difficult for me to NOT be positive. I still get angry and scared, but those feelings pass through me vs. getting stuck there.
And the folks that are in my life now - WAY BETTER. They celebrate who I am vs. tolerate me.
Yah - Life is pretty good. Not perfect.. but I'm okay with that.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
