...it's the fear that I could turn around and realise I've wasted my best years living with and financially supporting a man who practically ignores me. I'm not willing to let that happen.
That's a tough one and probably only something an IC can help you effectively with.
Could it be that this has been sitting under your R for a long time and is a significant key to finding out to what the future holds for you? Leaving it unaddressed will give it the potential to fester (further).
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
Yes - I think it has been sitting there for a really long time.
I know that I've never really felt he's 'chosen' me. I pursued him. I asked him to come live with me, I suggested marriage and planned the wedding. I believe he's been happy to be a husband and a father, but I don't know if any of those things would have happened if I hadn't pushed for them. He's a laid back kind of guy. Rarely shows enthusiasm or ambition for anything - never ever ever for having or keeping me.
If I drop the rope, I don't think he's going to pick it up. I think it would be out of character for him, I think he'd be afraid of my reaction if he did pursue me, and I think at some deep level he doesn't know what to do.
I also think I need to do work on myself in this area. Right now I am not entirely sure what it would take for me to feel 'chosen.' Not a grand gesture, not sex, not a friendly word or two. I need some sign of his love and commitment and I don't know what would be acceptable to me. That isn't fair on him - to set him the impossible task of resolving a bottomless pit of insecurity.
I think you are on the right track. It is hard for me to really say what should happen first. I think your intuition will help a lot in this regard. My situation is different as I was the bread winner and my WW and I owned a business together as well. We argued a lot over how to run the business. I think each case has its own uniqueness sprinkled with some generalities, if that even makes sense.
I know that I was also the more affectionate person in my relationship so that is part is much different.
Me: 30's W: 30's M: 12yrs EA: Started 3/2015 MC Started: 4/2015 She moved out and served 6/2015 PA: Confirmed 10/5/2015 2 young kids
"If you do not stand for something you will fall for anything."
Thanks, WhyUs. I need to think some more. But not tonight. Tonight is GAL night with my gal-friend, where we will be silly and talk about anything other than difficult men.
