I just want to put down appropriate boundaries and follow them. I am not trying to run away from her, but I would like to send the messsage that I am not here to be used like Kleenex and thrown away when ever she feels like it.

I have been civil and downright friendly in my dealings with her, but very cautious as what I do or say could be used against me in court.

I have not talked to her about relationship stuff as I have been trying to follow the 39 rules. I would talk about it if she brought it up, but maybe I need to address it now.

I don't want to make this about right and wrong, keeping score, or punishment and restitution. What I want is to have a relationship where I am treated with respect and if she wants to be my friend, then she treats me like one.

I have been using the boundaries to protect myself, but to also send the message that I won't be making the same mistake of rescuing her whenever she is in peril, but maybe that is wrong too. I don't know.

I have thought long and deep if I really love her or am I just hanging on because I beleive in marriage in general. I am pretty sure it is love as evidenced by my willingness to have her live with me last week, which considering the past and the possible pain I would have possibly opened my self up to, seemed to confound me. Even my friends still tell me that they see that I still love her.

So I have a lot to think about. It seems to come hard and fast some days and then plateaus for a awhile.

Thanks for the responses though! It helps me to think and sort this stuff out.

Looks like it is time for a new thread!