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#2246698 - 05/19/12 06:22 PM Re: Hello, WAW. Is anyone there? [Re: Truegritter]
AlwaysTrying Offline
Member

Registered: 10/27/11
Posts: 243
There is a school of thought associated with something therapists call "Mindfulness" that says there are 3 modes of thinking:

Logical Mind
Works for many things, especially at work, but when applied to life decisions can be rigid and cause you to act without empathy.

Emotional Mind
This kind of thinking might help you be in tune with what other people are feeling, but decisions will tend to be reactive, impulsive, and counter-productive.

Wise Mind
Wise mind is able to look at things from a distance, see the big picture, and take logic and emotion into account. This is where you want to be.

One of the reasons people employ mindfulness is that when you are hurt or upset, you quickly get stuck in emotional mind and you need to calm down until you get get back into your wise mind before you react to anything.

I *feel* like I'm at least using my logical mind, but I know there are emotions driving it. For instance, as tg suggested, I want to reclaim my rights - the ones I gave away. This has been a thorn in my side for some time.

I've told my wife all along that I was coming back for these things if she wasn't going to give us time. This is not a surprise. You say I gave this stuff away, but I did so under duress, making it clear where my limits are.

Divorce in process = no support for her escape fantasy

I know she needs out of the hurt place that she is in, and I'm not going to stop her. I'm having a hard time seeing what is being served by giving everything away.

I'm still thinking about this. Sandi and Truegritter, I really really appreciate you helping me to see the other side of this. I'm sorry if I appear thick-skulled or out of touch. I really am trying. And I'm not trying to argue.

I want to make the best decision.

I'll post a bit more about my reasoning in a bit.
_________________________
- All for the kids -
Me:34, W:35
M:7, T:13
S6, D3 + my D15 from previous marriage
July 2011 "I think I need a separation"
W filed D September
Currently living apart - she has the house, I rent a room

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#2246778 - 05/20/12 12:23 AM Re: Hello, WAW. Is anyone there? [Re: AlwaysTrying]
sandi2 Offline
Member

Registered: 06/28/07
Posts: 11342
Okay look, you do not need to post your reasoning. You don't have to convince us or explain what you're thinking and why. Not to sound rude, but unless you do it to release stress, it's not the best way of utilizing your time. We are here to support you and offer a plan of action or viewpoint that helps you to bust a divorce.

There is one thing that you could do that might shed more light on your stitch, however, and that is to describe how you and your wife are different and how the two of you are alike (at least before things started falling apart).
_________________________
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!

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#2247130 - 05/21/12 04:54 PM Re: Hello, WAW. Is anyone there? [Re: sandi2]
AlwaysTrying Offline
Member

Registered: 10/27/11
Posts: 243
OK, sandi, I responded to your alike and different idea here:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2247129
_________________________
- All for the kids -
Me:34, W:35
M:7, T:13
S6, D3 + my D15 from previous marriage
July 2011 "I think I need a separation"
W filed D September
Currently living apart - she has the house, I rent a room

Top
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