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My H was at the 49ers playoff game in SF while I was in the ER w S (recurring UTIs). He called often but didn't cancel his plans cuz I was handling it. I think back now and although I was ok, his son wasn't!
M 38 H 35 T7 (-2yrs separation) S5 D2 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciling
Purg, I'm sure your H would be devastated if anything happened to you. He may not act like it now, but after all you've been through together and your history, I really believe he would. And if he wouldn't, well then he doesn't deserve you!!!
Did you ever think about that maybe your H is detaching in his own ways? With the upcoming deployment where his life is on the line, and also your health problems that could be serious, I wonder if he's just pulling back because everything scares him so much. He may be scared to lose his life and have you mourn him. Maybe he thinks that if you weren't in love with him, then it wouldn't be so hard on you.
Or, God forbid anything happened to you. He maybe too scared to be too attached to you because he doesn't think he could deal with it. He wouldn't be able to carry on with his life without you and also to raise your boys without you.
Sorry he acted disinterested in your kid's health. Maybe he didn't realize how bad it was and how frustrated and sleep deprived you were. It's so easy for the WAS to forget their parental responsibilities. They think they can come and go as they please and deserve a medal for the little time they put into spending with the kids.
I agree that you should be able to "relieve" you if you need the help. If you are exhausted and need help, go ahead and ask for it, just don't put it in a way that would make it look like he's doing you a favor. His reaction seems very strange though. It seems like he was still very involved with the kids despite the problems between the two of you. Maybe he's going through something else.
I think you H disconnect illustrates how sick he is right now. Of course he cares about you and the kids he just has such a wall up right now. He will not let anything allow him to feel emotional.
It is so wonderful that your IC could see your changes. I use to have a hard time talking to my IC for a whole hr, I didnt want to talk to much but now I love it. I dont care thats its all about me, thats what I am paying for! I get to let it all out.
Keep working on you. Your H is a fool.
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13