I think my H is just trying to get me to divorce him. Why else would he so disregard me and my feelings? Either I’m paranoid or he decided to do the Retrouvaille program just so that he could “say” that “oh yes he tried”. He is narcissistic and emotionally abusive. He speaks out of both sides of his mouth. I cannot even begin to do justice to what comes out of his mouth.
He is still seeing ow. And feels that is his right. He feels that it is his own business, they're just friends and that his relationship with her has nothing to do with any rebuilding between us.(not that he appears to want to do any rebuilding)
He says he doesn’t believe in “marriage” or “relationships”. He just wants to “do his own thing” and “be himself”. He is certain that being celibate at this time is the absolutely right thing for him. He says that he is majorly pissed off that he just can’t have his kids and forget about all this relationship stuff.
Listening to him is making me sick. In our conversations, it seems, that he just turns things around to be about his latest disappointment regarding something I did or did not do.
This man has some serious issues that I don't believe have anything to do with me.
Is it really better for me to just loathe him then to get a divorce? I so hate divorce that I can’t see anything else.
I’m looking for a job. Got kind of side-tracked because of the holidays. The money issue has gotten terrifying. My H says that unconsciously he’s been on strike regarding earning money because of the way he and I relate financially. He says there is too much muck and until it is cleared up he believes he unconsciously sabotages any job possibilities.
I realize now that how I am being is just not working. I most likely will have to divorce my H. I think he is stuck in MLC. I’ve got too many of my own issues to think too much about him.
Well, I do seem to post this kind of post around “that time” of the month. Which is the real deal? I manage to be positive and focused 2/3rds of the time and then 1/3 of the time I feel hopeless.
What is real?
Plan A: ·Get a job ·Move into my own place
Plan B: ·Get a job ·Divorce H ·Move into my own place
Plan C: ·Get a job ·Give it a little more time
Bridget! I love reading your cheery posts. Makes me wonder what astrological sign you are to be so cheery and positive. Thanks for popping over to my thread!
Lily, How’s it going? I try to get over to MLC to read you. Will do so today. Hugs!
LL, I may join the ranks of the wafhm(work away from home mom?) all too soon. I really love being a sahm. I wish it were in the cards. And yes, right now it does appear to be a battle. My H seems to be winning all the skirmishes, right now. Hang in there sweetie, may you have a better result then I have had so far.
Kansha I was reading your thread. Isn't that what all the MLCers want is for us to do there dirty work. I have left the MLC board for a while. I don't know how long. I am about ready to spread my wings. Don't really know what direction I want to go in at this time. I know I can not live with my husband even if he were to come back. I thought of just filing for the divorce for myself. I am just not sure which way to turn right now. I am sure we will end up in divorce. He said he would file the week after Christmas. He hasn't yet. I saw him Saturday, pass down our road. I waved at him like he was a neighbor. I left before he got back to the house. I don't think I like him too much anymore. He said Christmas Day, he hasn't loved me in 30 years. He thinks of me as a sister. I just don't belong on the MLC board right now. Actually I don't know where I belong. I only posted to you, because I remember you from way back when. Hope you decide what you want and get it. I guess that is something we have to decide. I really am not sure I could ever feel the way I did about my husband, years ago. This is a horrid thing that has happened in our lives. Take Care God Bless Pam
Kansha dear, you know all too well what I think of your h, and in spite of my crusade to urge people to give their marriages their all, I do believe you have done just that. Dr. Phil talks about earning your way out, and that certainly applies to you.
At the same time, I think you need to move toward that goal, as LL said, by starting with the common theme of getting a job. This is YOUR journey now, and make sure the job you get is not just a stopgap to bring in money, but something that will bring you peace of mind. Make it a vocational choice, and not just a job. Then figure out the other stuff. Don't worry about WHY your h went to Retrouvaille -- you and he and we will never know that. Just ignore him and move on.
Kansha (Saint) - I read your post yesterday afternoon and it's been on my mind so much. I often wonder at the things your H says to you and actually thinks is okay. I'm not always sure whether it just seems like verbal abuse or if it's just the way I interpret what you write.
At this point, you might need to do something different. He seems very stuck and I do know that they go to counselling because they know it's the right thing to do, but, if they are not going to fix the marriage, it really won't matter. Perhaps Retrouvaille was that for him.
I'm rambling, just cannot believe how your H can manipulate things financially and emotionally, over and over. Don't we all just have to work and support our families?
I'm with AlexN - you have gone beyond earning your way out of this one! Give it away and see what happens.
LL: Thanks for your input. Yes, "get a job" is the common theme in all of my plans. I'm turning up the heat on that one.
My question about "What is real?" was regarding my attitude and interpretation of the situation based on "that time of the month". Sorry that was confusing.
How nice of you to visit. I have kept up with your situation via Snodderly's thread.
The thing about your situation is that if your H is really in MLC, It has not been long enough. It takes an MLCer at least 2 years (and that's rare) to go through all the stages of MLC. Most people start to notice the MLCer re-connecting with the children(that's first) after about 3 years.
I'm not saying that you should or shouldn't do what you need to do for you.
I chose to wait out my H's MLC and then see what happened. Many people can't or choose not to. If you really truly believe that you will never be able to live with your husband even if he resurfaces from MLC then who files for divorce is not so much the issue except for what is best for you.
About them doing the dirty work, if you really want the D then it might give you a sense of power and control over your own destiny to initiate the D.
But, if you're still not sure then don't worry about it.
Quote: He said Christmas Day, he hasn't loved me in 30 years. He thinks of me as a sister.
That's typical MLC talk and means nothing. We've all heard some version of that or another.
We all here will support you whatever you decide. Hugs to you honey.
Quote: make sure the job you get is not just a stopgap to bring in money, but something that will bring you peace of mind. Make it a vocational choice, and not just a job.
This has been my dilemna. I really don't want to go back to teaching elementary school. I'm not even sure I want to do any teaching.
I've been researching alternatives within the teaching profession and also trying to figure out what else I can or would love to do.
I love to write and am good at it. I've been looking at what it takes to be a freelance writer. (oh, aren't you a freelance writer?) If you are I would surely love to have your coaching.
I have done extensive research on different work at home schemes.
I am also an artist so have looked at opportunities from that angle.
I use to be fearless. I could make myself up in a second and walk into a place and convince someone to take a chance on me. Where is that young woman?
I know it requires just taking a step and faking it til you make it. I seem to get caught up in so much muck.
Well, I guess I'm venting a little.
Hugs to you and yours! I hope that man of yours is behaving himself.
